Selfish or Selfless: It's a Wonderful Afterlife
by Vulcan Halps
Summary: If Tifa had died in Aeris' place how much would have changed. Would geostigma still exist? Would Cloud still blame himself? Would the world survive or would her death spell disaster? It's a Wonderful Life: Final Fantasy style. Cloti.
1. Changing Fate

Selfish or Selfless: It's a Wonderful Afterlife

_Changing Fate_

Tifa was surprised that the sound still woke her. It had become so habitual that she would've thought she could sleep through it, but instead the torture remained. She counted the steps. She knew when he reached the floor. She counted his steps to the door. She noted the rhythm he used. Sometimes he was slow and quiet like he was a midnight capper. Other nights he would walk slow and steady almost like he was thinking. Still others he was quick and sure as if he running away from something.

Tonight was different. His long strides were quick, yet steady and quiet. Something was different about tonight. In the past... hell even a few days ago this would've spiked hope or at least interest in Tifa, but no longer. She didn't even lift her head. Yet she couldn't keep herself from counting. 27? That was two less than yesterday, but the same as four days ago. She relax after the door shut knowing the counting was over and then she tensed again a moment later knowing it would start all over again tomorrow.

xXx

The sun shone through the kitchen window as Tifa rinsed the breakfast dishes. It was bright and lovely and perfect, yet it did nothing to brighten Tifa's dull mood. Still she sent the children out to play. No reason why they shouldn't enjoy such a beautiful day. Once they were gone Tifa had a thought and she couldn't seem to get it out of her head. So she finished cleaning up then left a note for the children and headed out.

Tifa spent the day walking making the best of the sunny day. She spent the night working the bar, but neither the working nor the walking picked up her mood. So after she finished closing up and checked on the children, she slipped out of the bar.

Though he had lived there while he was ill and in a way had never stopped, Tifa knew the Church would be empty. He had deliveries. The building... the stones of the church were crumbling and the wood was rotting, but the peace and the permanent celestial presence in the building remained. The building itself had long lost its majestically brilliance and even its dignity, but the feeling when one entered would never diminish.

In the center of the church where there was once a beautiful garden of lilies now instead rested a pool of gleaming water. Tifa knelt by the water and reached out her hand. Even the healing water had no effect on the wound deep in her heart. Tears ran down her face as the water ran through her fingers. She was brave, wasn't she? She has never back down from a fight. She had seen that what needed to be done was done. And yet when it came to speaking to him she faltered... she failed. Suddenly all her courage and bravery left her. Why couldn't he choose her?

For a moment Tifa's world went white. Then a hand touched her shoulder. Tifa knew who it was. She didn't have to turn around. "He loves you, you know." Tifa spoke as she brushed her tears away. Once her tears were dry she turned to face Aeris. "It should have been me. He should have killed me then none of this would have happened. Then everyone would be all right. Then he would be happy."

The flower girl looked into the barmaid's eyes and gave her a soft sad smile. "This is how it must be Tifa."

Tifa didn't want to hear it so she turned away. She stood and paused staring at the water. If there was a place where her wish could be granted it would be here. This pool of healing water could give life. Could it not then also take it away?

She lowered herself into the water and laid floating in the water. "Please, I wish it had been me." Tifa whispered holding back a sob. "Not Aeris, but me."

_He watched her floating from above. "He's an idiot."_

_"Neither of them are being very bright," she answered with a sigh. "Perhaps if we show her. Maybe then she'll see."_

_"What about him? How do we get him to see?"_

_"That's up to you."_

Tifa closed her eyes tight then opened them. Nothing had changed. She closed her eyes again and let a single tear slid down her face into the water. She opened her eyes again because the water below her was moving. The healing water was rising around her. It fell on her and completely surrounded her until suddenly it stopped.

When she stopped Tifa couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had returned to the final moments of Aeris's life. She knelt praying, casting Holy. Tifa knew what would happen next, but a voice sounded in her head. _"If you want it changed. Change it now."_

Tifa didn't think she ran towards Aeris and pushed her away as Sepheroth's sword pierced her flesh instead of Aeris's. Red searing pain flashed through her body as he removed the sword. Everything slowed. She could hear someone yelling, someone crying, someone running. Her whole world blurred and went dark. So this was what it was like to die. One moment of pain then complete peace. She knew everyone around her was shocked and saddened, but Tifa herself felt nothing, but ease. She felt free.

The Promise Land. There was a bright white light then she found herself there. She smiled. Zack hadn't changed in the years since she'd seen him. "Zack?"

He looked up and smiled. "How are you Tifa?" He walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"I'm dead," she said blinking amazed. One minute she was alive. The next she was dead.

Zack nodded. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Tifa answered, then she looked at him suspiciously. "How did you know?"

"You and I are the only people who remember what it was like when you lived. To everyone else you died saving Aeris. Even Aeris doesn't remember."

xXx

Afterlife made Tifa an acute observer. This time she had to watch as the final events of their battle against Sephiroth unfolded. She couldn't help instead she watched as she friends fought and suffered. Tifa often wanted to say just a few words to her friend to show them their way. At first things went much the same way as they did when she had been alive, but after they defeated Sephiroth things began to unravel. It was almost as if the fighting was keeping them strong. Keeping them together.

When it was all over they all met up again outside the ruins of Midgar. They all sat quietly together. Finally Marlene ended the silence. "Why does everyone look so sad?"

Barrett shushed Marlene then hugged in his own fatherly way. "Marlene, I told you-" Barrett tried to console the girl but ended up only upsetting her.

"I know what happened Tifa." The entire group tensed at the mention of her name. "But I want to know why everyone is so sad. If Tifa were here she would want everyone to be happy. She was always trying to make people smile." Marlene huffed in her distraught state. "Why is everyone doing exactly what Tifa spent her life trying to prevent?"

The silence resumed once Marlene's tirade ended, but this time it was thoughtful considering silence as apposed to the previously depressive quiet. No one could bring themselves to be happy or to smile, so they merely made a silent packed not to be depress and not to frown. All that is except Cloud, none of them could make him smile not even Marlene or Aeris. After Cid pestering him for the third time, Cloud stood and left. "She didn't want us to be sad, but she didn't want to die either."

_"No, you're supposed to be happy." _Tifa shouted down at him then she paused for a moment. It was just the shock. He was allowed to mourn his best friends, but after a little time he would be happy. Tifa gave herself a reassuring smile as she watched her friends. They would all be better off.

xXx

Time passed and things were different. Barrett went on his trip to Corel Town, but this time Cloud didn't go. As Barrett and Marlene packed to leave Aeris appeared at Cloud's side. "Why don't you go with him? You could visit Nibelheim again and finally get some closure."

Cloud stared blankly back at her. "The only good thing about Nibelheim is now dead."

Though she tried Aeris couldn't apologize before Cloud turned away and her standing alone. "Oh, Tifa." Aeris looked up to the ceiling. "If only I could talk to him the way you did. I was his friend, but you were his guidance. He's still going to need your help."

Tifa knew Cloud would always need her in some way, but how could she tell him to be happy. To move on. She watched as he failed to find his calling and instead joined Reeve, who was trying to 'help the planet'. Aeris returned to her ever-crumbling church to tend to her flowers. Things were different than with Tifa and yet suspiciously familiar. Tifa knew what was going to happen before it did.

Edge was established and christened, but the city didn't grow as fast as Tifa remembered. More of the people left for places with more conveyances. _"Of course without Strife Delivery Service it's still unsafe to send or receive packages." _Tifa sighed. Okay, so there might be a few downsides to her death.

Not only was Edge smaller, but it also had a surprising lack of fun to be found. Tifa had to admit her bar was the first one to be started in the former Edge, but how come no one else came up with the idea of opening a bar. Then again to be honest Barrett was the one who came up with the idea for the second Seventh Heaven.

None of the old team kept in touch except Aeris once sought out Cloud. She finally found him and Reeve in a small, seedy, rundown bar in Edge. At first he brushed her off. She stood against and bore his distant persona. "Come by the Church tomorrow."

"I'll see if I have the time."

Aeris backed down a moment turning to leave. _"No. Stand up to him. Tell him that he has to talk to you."_

"No. Come to the Church tomorrow." Aeris didn't turn back to face Cloud but her voice made it very clear that she was not taking no for an answer. "We need to talk."

xXx

Cloud stood outside the church scratching the back of his head for a moment before entering. He didn't see Aeris when he entered, so he walked slowly and deliberately to the flowerbed in the center of the church. He knelt down and stared at the flowers on the floor. He reached out to them then snatched back his hand as if the flowers would die if he touched them. Maybe he thought that they would.

"Cloud." Aeris said when she spotted him. She bit her lip when he looked up at her with the closed off look that Tifa knew well. "Cloud?" Cloud had showed up but he wasn't there to talk. He was merely there to appease Aeris. He would look at her and acknowledge what she said but it wouldn't change what he thought or felt. It was the same routine he pulled on Tifa time and time again.

"We have to talk about what happened?" Cloud looked down when Aeris tried to make eye contact. "Marlene was right. Tifa didn't want us to be sad. We tolerated it from you for a while, but you have to stop mourning eventually."

Cloud didn't respond, but he did react. His head came up and he glared. HE GLARED at Aeris. _"Cloud, stop it."_

"Cloud?" Aeris voice came out hollow. Tifa winced as she watched Aeris in pain. Pain Tifa had forced on her. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

He didn't respond to the strange tone in Aeris's voice. "Don't talk about her." His hands formed fists. "You wouldn't understand." He stood up and looked down at Aeris. "This is something you couldn't understand." He turned to leave.

_"No. Aeris, stop him. Help him."_ Tifa didn't know how Cloud could still cause her pain when she wasn't even alive.

The girl in pink didn't say anything right away. Then she balled her hands as well. "No, Cloud. We have to talk about this. Tifa was my friend too. I miss her as much as you do." Aeris closed her eyes against the tears trying to control her emotions. "She died saving me. She saved me and I couldn't heal her." She couldn't hold back any more. Letting herself go she hugged herself as she cried. "She died and it was my fault."

"No," Cloud said quietly, "It was mine." He didn't look up. "She sacrificed herself for you. She would never blame you."

_"Yes."_

"She wouldn't blame you either." Aeris had stopped crying, but her eyes were still shining with unshed ones beyond her lids. "She loved and trusted you. She would never blame you."

_"Yes. Yes."_

"And that makes it all the more my fault. I promised to protect her and I could. She prevented me from killing you, then died in your place at Sephiroth's hand. She protected you, but I could protect her. I couldn't even protect you." He paused and turned away. "What sort of hero am I?"

_"Cloud. No."_

"You were her hero. She loved you in spite of your faults. She forgave you-"

"She dead. She can't forgive me anymore." Cloud often got into fights, but Tifa had never seen her childhood friend truly lose his temper. "She was in a bind and I didn't rescue her." Cloud shook his head. "She'll never forgive me for not telling her." Cloud walked out of the church without another word.

"Oh, Cloud." Aeris hung her head. She reached out to the flowers. "Don't you know Tifa would forgive you for anything. And she has." Aeris picked three beautiful flowers then walked to the door. Cloud was just outside sitting on the Fenrir that Reeve had acquired for him. She handed him the flowers. "Forgiveness is not earned it's freely given. You earned her trust. She'll forgive you. It's your if you want it."

Cloud gingerly took the plants from Aeris's hand. With a nod he drove off. He drove awhile then decided where he had to go. When he finally stopped he was at a very familiar place. The cliff over looked a barren stretch of dessert that a rather large sword watched over. This was Zack. This was where Cloud came to talk to him.

Zack another failure. Another friend he failed to save. "Zack, I owe you. I know that, but I need one more. Protect her. Take care of her." Cloud's movements were jerky and distracted. "I couldn't save you. I couldn't protect Aeris. I couldn't rescue..." Falling to his knees Cloud couldn't bring himself to say her name. "What does it matter if we save the world, if we can't stay with those we love." He closed his eyes. "I am so sorry."

Her heart broke at the crushing tone of Cloud's voice. He was supposed to go back to being the arrogant, stubborn ex-SOLIDER that everyone knew and loved. He was supposed to be happy. _"Cloud." _Her heart screamed. His head came up slowly. He heard her? _"Cloud?" _

He stood and looked around him. "Zack?" Cloud got no answer. "Zack, please take care of her. I don't want her to be alone."

Tifa knew Zack was next to her before he threw his arm around her. _"I will, if you will. Be careful."_

xXx


	2. Better or Worse?

This one has a few more characters enter. Others have their lives effected by Tifa's death.

Selfish or Selfless

_Better...or Worse?_

Tifa found it kind of sad that she and Zack were the closest of all of their friends. Tifa spent most of her time watching over her friends. Though they rarely heard her. Sometimes she could help.

She forced herself to watch Cid and Shera fight. Cid had always been a handful, but one morning he was so pompous even kind-hearted Tifa wanted to punch some sense back into him. Shera was up and making breakfast. Tifa was reminded of all the times when she would prepare breakfast for her family. Cid enter and sat in a chair grumbling about the morning, the night before and how little sleep he got.

Shera gave him a reassuring smile and set a steaming cup before him. "This'll wake you up." She headed back to the kitchen. "Breakfast will be ready in a moment." Shera admitted that she wasn't the best cook, but breakfast wasn't to difficult. A toaster, a skillet and a carton of eggs and breakfast was only a few moments away.

"What the #& is this?" Cid yelled as he spit what he had just tried to drink back into the mug. "Shera!" he yelled. "Are you trying to kill me?"

Shera timidly exited the kitchen. "What's wrong?" Cid was shaking will fury. He hastily picked up the mug and attempted to throw it. More of the scalding liquid sloshed over the rim of the glass. The mug shattered on the ground as Cid dropped the offensive object.

Cid could not get a reign on his temper. Something was wrong and he needed to talk about it. "I'll be back," he practically snarled at Shera as he stalked out the door.

Tifa didn't give Shera enough credit. When Cid left Shera didn't crumple to the ground or cry like she herself had so often done. Instead Shera sat calmly with her phone and began dialing numbers. She wasn't as close to them as Cid was, but with the message she had wasn't for her. She called Barrett, Reeve, Yuffie and lastly after several agonizing moments Cloud.

By the look on her face not one answered his phone. To be fair it was rather early in the morning. "Something's wrong with Cid. He left I don't know where he went, but he's not himself. If you see him. Help him, please. I don't know what's wrong, but you might." Her messages were all fairly similiar. When she hung up after the last call she looked up at her dining room ceiling. "Tifa look out for him will you."

Tifa had often asked Aeris to watch over her family and friends, but she didn't know so many of their freinds did as well. _"He'll be safe."_ She made a promised to Shera even if the mechanic couldn't hear her. Cid was her friend and they had all suffered enough already.

Cid sat in his beloved Sierra for what seemed like hours desiding where to go. Vincent would probably brush him off. Yuffie wouldn't understand. Barrett had his hands full with Marlene. Aeris was a possiblility, Cid had a feeling that if he couldn't confess this Shera Aeris wouldn't be much better. That only left Cloud. Decision made Cid knew what he had to do. The only question was what Cloud's reaction was going to be.

It wasn't a long ride, but with Cid being so tense the entire trip that it stretched on and on. Cid was many things, but patience was not one them and today it was getting tested too many times. When he finally arrive Cloud invited him inside. Cloud's apartment was sparse and clean. It reminded Tifa creepily of SOLIDER. He was suppose to be getting away from that not turning his home into a constant reminder of it. Tifa could bring herself to call this sad excuse for an apartment Cloud's home. Even Aeris's church was better than this.

Cid didn't say anything about the place. He sat in the chair that Cloud gestured to then stood back up again and started pacing. Cid was a pillar of energy and at the moment every fiber of his being was practically humming with the need to keep in motion. The constant movement of Cid was an obvious contrast to Cloud, who stood perfectly still just patiently waiting for Cid to tell what was bothering him.

Cloud had gotten Shera's message, but even without it one could tell all was not right with Cid. The pilot had a straight heads on personality. He often didn't think before he said or did something, so why was he so deep in thought about this one? Cid finally stopped his insensant pacing and turned to Cloud. "I can't live like this." Cid's gaze never really met Cloud's peircing stare. "It's not Shera fault, but everything she does." Cid stopped pacing, stopped talking, he just stopped everything.

Silently Cloud waited patiently. His gaze was always closed off, but Tifa could occasionally tell what he was thinking. Something behind his eyes now told her that Cid should have gone to someone else. Cloud was not the one to be giving out advice at the moment.

"She's trying to be nice, but every time she does I think of-" Cid broke off. "$ I keep losing it." Cid looked down at his hands. "I almost threw a mug at her this morning, because it was hot. Not threw it near her or to her, but at her. I almost physically hurt her, because I was angry." Cid put his head in his hands.

Tifa had never seen Cid like this. In a way Cid was like Cloud he kept his emotions hidden, but they differed where Cid often told people more than they needed to know about what he was thinking. "You didn't hurt her though?" Cloud asked his voice seemed to settle Cid down.

"No, she's fine, but I can't be around her any more. I shouldn't get mad at someone for trying to be nice. I mean-" Cid fished for someway to make his words sound less sensitive. "I just wish there was some way to get her out of my hair."

The silence around Cloud changed. It was no longer a listening silence, but a thinking silence. "Maybe you just need a little time away."

_"Figures you would give him horrible advice, Cloud. When things get hard, just run."_

"Yeah." Cid looked up and forced a smile. "We've just been around each other a little too long. After some time apart she won't..." Cid kept talking, but Cloud obviously wasn't listening. "I'll just go spend some time alone."

By time alone Cid meant time in a bar. Cid spent the next few months living out of Seirra and spending all his spare time in bars. Cid could hold his liquor, in fact of all of their friends Cid was the only one that could hold his own in a drinking game verses Tifa. But give it time and drinking will catch up with anyone. The strong overbearing pilot became a mean depressed drunk.

Shera spent that time alone waiting for Cid to return. Tifa was reminded too much of her own delemnas. Finally after a few more weeks the phone rang and Shera ran to answer it on the first ring. "Hello?" she said breathlessly in the receiver.

"Cid back?" It was Barrett, direct as ever.

"No," Shera answered softly. Her face that had lit up when the phone rang fell once Barrett's voice answered her own, then fell further when Barrett asked about Cid. If Barrett was asking that meant that Cid wasn't with him. "I haven't heard from him. You?"

"Nothing yet. Cloud heard from him about a week ago. Updates he said." Barrett paused on the phone. "Can you put up some old friends for a few days?"

Shera was surpised when Barrett showed up the next day. Not because of Barrett, but because of the man that was with him. She didn't expected to see Vincent Valentine at her door. "Sorry" was all the red clad man said.

"It's for Cid," the dark man pat the red man on the back as he entered the house. Red eyes trained on Barrett, but nothing was said as Shera showed the men where to stay and got them refreshments. She got them because had Cid been there he would've told her to. If Cid had been there, but he wasn't.

After they were settle Barrett got down to work. "We're looking for Cid. He has been keeping himself updated with Cloud, but he never says where he is or where he's going. We know he's safe, but his calls are getting further apart." Barrett gave Shera a reassuring smile. "We're all together on this. We'll find him."

Shera acted comforted. She acted like she wasn't worried. She acted like she wasn't scared. That night while Barrett and Vincent were talking Shera sat on her bed and looked up at her ceiling. "Tifa, he's gone. He left, because you died. It's not your fault. You were nice and kind. You took care of them and now when I try to all I do is remind him of you." Shera closed her eyes against her tears. "I know you're watching him. I can't blame you and I won't blame him. So help him, bring him home."

She looked up and opened her eyes. Outside it started raining. Shera nodded. "I knew it, Tifa, I knew I could count on you."

"That's why you remind Cid of her." Shera looked up and her gaze met Mako blue eyes. "He didn't just leave because you remind him of her." Cloud hadn't said her name since she died. "He didn't want to hurt you. He's protecting you."

Wrong thing to say. Shera's eyes immedately darkened. "He's protecting me," she repeated in a hollow voice. "He doesn't want me to get hurt," she yelled at him. "Doesn't he realize I am hurting. He is hurting me and he's not even here." Her voice rose with with every word especially the last four words.

"It's for you." Cloud's voice was quiet in contrast to Shera's.

She slapped him, hard. "No, it's for him. He doesn't want to be around me. He sees some of Tifa in me. HE hasn't gotten over HER death." She took a deep breath. "And neither have you. You are giving him advice. The wrong advice. Because that is what you want to do." She paused and turned away from him. "Next time you talk to him. Tell him to come home."

Early the next morning Cloud was preparing to slip quietly away, but before he could the phone rang. He knew it would wake Shera up. She keep the thing on her bedside table just waiting for his call. He espected her to wake and answer he was, however, surprised to hear her crying. Had Cid called? Plans to leave forgotten Cloud headed for Shera's room.

She sat on the bed. The phone lying on the her lap. She was crying. "Who was that?"

Looking up she forced a smile. "I know where Cid is." And the tears started again. "That was the hospital in Kalm. Cid was admitted last night. He's in critical."

_"Is it possible to feel guilty after your dead?" _Tifa asked Zack. _"I feel responsible and I am not even there for it to be my fault. But she asked me to watch him. I did I watched him drink his way to the hospital."_

The Sierra parked itself next the _Wolf's Den_ the closest bar to the outskirts of Kalm. He order a ard drink the minute he walked in the door and didn't stop until he passed out. The bartender called the hospital. And Cid woke up hours later with a dozens of needles sticking in his arm and a hangover the size of his own ship. There was only one thing that could make this morning worse and it was walking through the door in tears. He didn't want her here. He didn't want her to see him like this.

She came to his bedside while the other three stood in the doorway. Even Cloud had a disapproving look on his face. The doctor was explaining his condition to Shera, who was only half listening as she kept petting Cid's face and shoulders. She hadn't seen him in months and she definately acted like it. "Wha-what does all that mean?"

"His liver is shutting down and we didn't catch it in time, so his kidneys are faliing as well."

"W-will he get better?" Shera hestitated when she spoke almost as if she didn't want to here the answer.

The doctor put his fingertips together in that annoying I-don't-want-to-give-you-bad-news-but-it-isn't-good sort of way. "He'll have to come in three times a week for dialysis to have his blood cleaned." He looked Shera. "He is aware of what is going on around, but because of the meds he's on he won't be able to respond for awhile and as they fade he'll still be extremely groggy."

Cloud and Vincent parted to let the doctor pass, then Vincent hit his friends shoulders and cocked his head. Shera and Cid need some time alone. She nodded at them gratfully as they left. Then she took his hand and spoke quietly in his ear. Cid couldn't move and from where she laid her head He couldn't see her. "For once I get to do all the talking. Cid, Cloud told me why you left. He told me what you where thinking. I don't know if you were really thinking that you were saving me or if you just got that from Cloud. But I do know that this doesn't work that way.

"I'm not Tifa. Cloud's blame himself for not protecting her, but she didn't have to save Aeris. She choose to save Aeris. She knew the consequences, but she still chose to do what she wanted to do. She saved Aeris. I remind you of Tifa, so you run from her memory and left me without a word. Whatever Cloud told you, forget it. He is making decisions out of greif. We are suppose to be helping him. He shouldn't have to be thinking about us."

"Maybe thinking about our #$ problems distracts him." Cid forced the words out of his numb lips. "Maybe it distracts him from his own $ pain. Shera?" He tried to see her out of the corner of his eye.

"So you left me alone to help Cloud have something else to think about besides Tifa." She had a strong erge to hit the man in the hospital bed, but she suppressed it. "Cid, you're not well. The doctor said you're going to have to have dialysis every few days. You won't be able to go on your trips anymore. You won't be able to fly."

Even though he couldn't barely move Cid winced visible when she said he couldn't fly. They weren't going to stop him. Then Shera face came into veiw. She wasn't crying anymore, but her face held a look of certainity. Without the dialysis he would die and even if she had to keep him from fly to save his life; she would. "I'm sorry, Cid." She sqeezed his hand one final time before walking to the door. Then with only a single backwards glance and a soft smile she left.

Barrett rose when Shera exited his room. Cloud and Vincent were already standing. Cloud by the window; Vincent leaning against the wall. "How is he?" Barrett at least showed interest. Cloud nodded in her general direction and the only hint that Vincent noticed her presence was a slight intensity in his gaze. These boys were worried about Cid, but they sure didn't know how to show it.

Tifa was immediately reminded of something Aeris once said. _"Boys make fun of girls for crying because they have all the feelings we do; they just don't know how to express them. For that reason they figure there is either something wrong with us or with them and who wants to think that they are the problem?"_

"He's not good. He'll heal, but with out his flying..." Shera had to sit. "His spirit is crushed. I just don't think there is away to fix it." Vincent finally moved. He turned toward her. "How much pain would you have to causing Marlene to be forced to leave her?"

"Any, if I was causing her any pain I would let her go." Cloud pushed away from the window and focused carefully on their conversation.

Shera lowered her head. "Even though leaving would cause her an enormous amount of pain?" The other two shared a quick look then avoided each others gazes. When Barrett didn't answer, she looked up at him and found him looking down at her.

He shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know if I could. I guess it deprends on if my leaving was for me or for her."

"Selfish or Selfless?" Shera commented quietly. "We're supposed to be healing. Supposed to be putting all of this behind us, aren't we? Why does everyone keep dwelling on the past."

"Because we lost someone in that past and that's the only place where we can find her." To Shera's surprise Vincent spoke. "She can't come back." Though Vincent had lost more than one person everyone knew which one he was referring to now. She was so close so near and yet beyond reach.

Tifa smiled. That was it. The first step towards forgiveness and redemntion of the soul: Acknowledging that she was gone. Now for the next step: Accepting that fact.

"She's gone, but she's still with us," Barrett added. Everyone tried not to look at Cloud. They wanted to know if their words were hitting that shielded heart of his, because may then he could admit that her death wasn't his fault or at the very least forgive himself for it.

He didn't respond to their comments. "Cid'll be fine. He's got you." He attempted to reassuring the half-greiving mechanic. Without another word he left them and the hospital.

"I guess Tifa is still the only person that can reach that heart of his." Vincent evaluted the situation with practiced ease.

Barrett gave a rare but true smile. "She's the only one who knew him long enough to get around it. Somehow she found a way to understand him. Better, I think than he'll ever understand himself."

"I wish she could talk some sense into him. He needs help. Someone's got to talk with him." Shera sighed.

This time a shadow of a smile appeared on Vincent's face. "She'd punch the sense into him."

xXx

Thanks for reading and anyone who gave reviews. It's really helpful to know what you think. Stay tuned.


	3. A Chance to Change

Sorry the last chapter strayed a little, but I'm back to the point.

Selfish of Selfless: It's a Wonderful Afterlife

_A Chance to Change_

That was just what she wanted to do as she watched Cloud speed through the desert. He headed for Zack's grave, but the thought of facing another failure was too much. Maybe he did have to talk about what happened. The question now was: was he ready?

"Cloud?!" Aeris was obvious shocked. She didn't expect to see Cloud again after their last conversation. At least not willingly.

He didn't look at her instead he chose to have a conversation with his feet. "I didn't have my act together before, but I'm ready to talk now."

Aeris peered carefully at Cloud. "Ready to talk," she said almost disbalievingly. She looked at him till he looked up and met her gaze. "Or ready to share?"

"I'm ready to talk about what happened." There was hestition in all of Cloud's actions and yet he was there. That in itself was a step forward.

Still Aeris sighed. "You're not ready, Cloud." She sadly shook her head. "You can even meantion it. You can't even meantion her. How are you going to talk about?" Aeris paused for answer she knew she wouldn't recieve. "Can you even say her name?" Cloud turned away. "Say it." Aeris put her hand on his arm. "Say Tifa."

Cloud jerked when she said the name. And Tifa's heart jerked for him. Why was he in so much pain? It was supposed to be better. He was supposed to... Tifa suddenly stopped. Why was everything suppose to be perfect? Why did she think that trading souls would fix everything? Why did she think that she knew better than the planet?

_"Aeris, help him. Don't let him run. He can't find me."_ He wouldn't find Tifa in a church or a flower.

"Tifa?" She almost sceamed for joy when Aeris heard her for the first time. Aeris didn't scream; she cried. Tears of joy streamed down her face. Her best friend was there. "I'll do what I can." Cloud gave her a quick looking asking her if she was crazy, then settled for one that merely looked puzzled. "She asked me to help you, Cloud."

_"Talk to him. Don't let him feel guilty. It wasn't his fault. It was a choice. My choice."_

"Don't feel guilty. Don't run away. She choose her path."

Cloud closed his eyes against her words. "She chose to die."

_"Someone had to and I didn't want it to be Aeris."_

"Oh, Tifa. You are too good." Aeris's tears turned sad. "Cloud, she said someone had to die and she chose herself. She sacrificed herself not just for me, but for all of us. She wanted us to live out our days and not just to live them, but to make them happy, peaceful days. She loves us and she always will, but we can't blame ourselves for her choice."

_"Aeris, are you trying to convince Cloud or yourself?"_

"She shouldn't have had to make that choice or that sacrifice. Any of us could have gone. I could've gone."

Aeris smiled sadly, "She says she knows that you're still needed here. You're fight isn't done yet. As for the others your going to need all the help you can get."

"What about me?" Cloud asked in a deathly quiet voice a little angry that Tifa's spirit wouldn't let him take the blame. The guilt might have been a hollow feeling, but it was better than the emptiness. "Did she think about how I was going to get along without her?"

Aeris looked at him. "Did you ever tell her?"

"No," Cloud shook his head in sadness. "I should have. I just thought there would be time. It's no excuse, but we were so busy and then she was gone. Now I have all the time in the world and I can't tell her."

"So tell her."

"I don't have the right to talk to her."

xXx

Surprising while last time Yuffie had been the one who least wanted the group to split. Now she was practically the only one not involved. The youthful ninja was always full of energy and fun, but Tifa saw her cry. Not one tear was shed in the site of their companions, but once she was away for them she let the flood gates open. Watching the young girl cry Tifa wondered if perhaps it was because she lost some materia. That was until Yuffie spoke.

"I'm sorry, Tifa. That time... okay, times when I tried to steal your materia. I didn't mean it honest. And anything I said about Cloud's mood or your outfit. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to lighten the mood." She gave a teary smile. "The mood really needs to lightened about now."

Yuffie was on another of her ninja materia adventures, when she got Barrett's call. It said something about her loyalty that she turned around and headed back towards Kalm even though she was barely a village away from her intended goal. "Friend over materia, now when did that happen?" Yuffie's brow contracted in puzzlement. She was the free spirit. She wasn't mysterious like Vincent or beacon of light like Aeris. She wasn't the one people turned to in a crisis. She was the one who caused it and tried to help fix it.

Now Yuffie sat on the ground in the middle of the Forgotten City thinking. The Forgotten City was quiet it was a perfect place to think, but Yuffie didn't need a quiet place to think right? Wrong. The world was upside down for Yuffie. It was just that Tifa was gone it was the fact that once it happened everyone changed and not for the better.

"Yuffie," she answered her phone with just her name.

"Are you coming to Kalm?" The voice on the other end was not the one Yuffie expected. She expected Shera or Barrett to call and keep her updated; she didn't expect Reeve to call up and demand she show up. "Cid, is in the hospital you know that, right?"

Yuffie frowned, "Yeah, Shera sent word. How is he?"

"Come see for yourself?" Reeve as blunt and corecive as ever.

Rising to her feet Yuffie sighed. "I don't know if it will be better for Reeve show Cloud confidence or for Cloud to teach Reeve so humility." She looked down at her phone and smiled. "Well, fear of change is fear of self. Maybe I can show them how to change. Change my way." Yuffie grin. Her spunk back. Yuffie headed straight for Kalm and to Cid's hospital bedside.

The young ninja finally arrived at the hospital, but it was well past night fall and this hospital actually had security. Good thing a great ninja such as Yuffie always had a back up plan and in this case it was the staircase window on the second floor landing. There was a fence around the far side of the building, probably the psyic ward. She climbed to the top of the fence and jimmied the window open. Good thing the ninja was so small.

She just barely fit through the window the fell on her face with her legs still dangling out the window. "Great," she mumbled as she crab walked her way out of the window. "Now where was Cid's room?"

Yuffie slipped silently down the hall until she reached a nurses' station. On the desk was a sign in sheet, which she picked up and perused until she found the name Barrett closely followed by the names of Cloud and Vincent about halfway down the list visiting room 244.

244 was sterile white and smelled like alcohol. Yuffie didn't like hospitals. She didn't like being sick and she hated watching others being helpless when there was nothing she could do. Cid was the first things she saw when she entered the room. He was so pale he almost glowed in the hospital gloom. Beside him Shera sat in a chair her head on his right forearm where she slept.

"Cute." Yuffie bounced into the room suddenly wondering if maybe the changes where improving. She wrinkled her nose, "I can never tell him I said that."

"Then maybe you should say it more quietly." Cid's voice was hoarse like he hadn't spoken in days.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Haven't sworn much lately?" She poked at his foot. "All those dirty words are getting caught in your throat." She flashed a quick smile. "Or did you mean to sound like a Chocobo?"

"Get off." Cid tied to kick Yuffie's hand away, but his foot barly twitched in response to his demands.

"They're keeping you nice and drugged," Yuffie laughed. "Probably because you'd run if they let go of your medicated chains."

xXx

When Reeve arrived he found Yuffie curled in a chair in the waiting room. "Cid kicked me out," she explained groggily after he kicked the underside of her chair. Stretching she let out a huge yawn. "His sense of humor is completely shot now that he's been commited."

Reeve shot her a quizzical look. "Hmm?"

"Not that." Yuffie scowled at him. "The hospital." Hitting him on the shoulder she pulled him by the arm to Cid's room. She shuddered again as she stood in front of the door. Hospitals, did anyone really like them? Vincent and Cloud certainly didn't and by the look on Cid's face he wasn't too happy about being restricted to the hospital bed for the past two weeks.

"Why did it take you two weeks to visit him? Them?" Reeve reached for the door handle, but Yuffie turned and leaned her back against the door.

Crossing her arms over her chest Yuffie sighed for the dozenth time. "Why is it all changing?"

Reeve's eyebrows tightened. Yuffie had the energy and curiosity of a child, but the question she asked was worthy of a pensive Vincent moment. Why? It was a question that couldn't be answered. What? What controlled there lives and made them change?

"Because we're no longer together." A flower was pushed into Yuffie's nose. "Distance and time change everything. Time can't be stopped, but distance can be changed."

Tifa smiled sadly Aeris was right they were splitting apart because they weren'tnear each other. The only thing that brought them back together was a crisis. _"Why does someone have to be suffering in order for you all to come together?" _Tifa knew she was being a little unfair, but something about this gave her a foreboding feeling. Something wasn't right.

After Yuffie pushed herself away from the door Reeve twisted the handle and the door opened. Shera was still asleep with her head resting on the corner of the bed, but Cid was no where to be seen. "Uh-oh." Yuffie smiled, the security wasn't hald as good as she gave them credit for.

Aeris gentle shook Shera awake. "Cid?" Shera awoke quickly when he noticed Cid wasn't in the bed. Turning to Aeris Shera's eyes pleaded for answer. "Where is he?"

"Sierra?"

xXx

Sighing with relief Cid saw his ship, but his freedom was short live as he saw a fenrir parked infront of the vessel and a blond haired man sitting on it. Cid groaned as he walked up to his friend. "You gonna move?" his voice relaid his annoyance. The drug where still wearing off and the pain was slowly coming back.

Cloud remained leaning agianst his bike almost casually. "You should get back to the hospital, Cid." The soft spoke man observed as Cid came to a rest half a dozen feet in front of him dressed in a hospital gown and scrub pants.

_"He does kind of stick out in a crowd." _Tifa knew she shouldn't be enjoying Cid's misery, so she chocked back on the laugh buibbling up in her throat and waited to see how Cloud and Cid would handle this.

"You're the one who told me to get away for awhile. To go and be alone." Cid half-heartedly blamed Cloud.

Cloud hung his head and for a moment Tifa thought he was add this new burden to the bundle of guilt already on his back. Then his head rose up. "I said for a little while and to be alone. Not for months to drink yourself into oblivion. If you missed her so much you could have gone back. Sierra will take you anywhere as long as your sober." There was a strange look in Cloud's eyes that Tifa didn't recongnize.

"I told you if I went back I might hurt her." His hands formed fists and his eyes went blank.

_"Cloud, you're using him to achieve what you need. Let him find it his own way."_

Taking a deep breath Cloud stood up to his full height. "You already did hurt her." He lifted his hand to his cheek remembering Shera putting her full weight behind her hand. "I told you what I would do, but I'm not you. I don't have Shera waiting for me to come home. When I need to go off and think I have no ties you do. Whether or not you admit it."

"Shera doesn't need me and I don't need her." Cid voice rose in anger.

"Like I said even if you don't admit it." The ex-SOLDIER shrugged and turned back to fenrir. Having second thoughts he turned back to the pilot. "I'm sorry. You're not me and Shera's not Tifa. You can still keep her from pain." Looking up at the taller man he repeated, "Even if you don't want to admit it." Cloud returned to his bike fully intending to leave.

Cid doubted his resolve to leave. "We all have a chance to change," he said to Cloud's back.

The blond head looked back over it's shoulder and nodded. "But are we brave enough to take that chance?" Fenrir started and a cloud of smoke was Cid's only companion as he thought about what Cloud said.

xXx

They were all ready to leave in search of Cid, but Shera surpised them. "Don't go after him," Shera spoke barely above a whisper. "He doesn't want to be here. Don't force him to come back."

"But he's sick," Yuffie whined.

"Better for his body to be ill then his spirit to be broken." Her hands twitched nervously and she stared at the floor as she spoke.

"Thanks for that." Shera's head flew up to see Cid leaning agianst the doorjam. "What the #& are you all staring at?" Cid yelled at their friends to leave.

Tifa waited a few moments to ensure that Shera didn't kill Cid then listened in on others. The waiting room was sett up with a large couch that sat facing two matching chairs. Barrett sat on the couch with Marlene at his side, Aeris sat on the other side and between bouts of passing Yuffie sprawled in one or the other of the chairs. "What is taking them so long?"

Barrett coughed. Aeris sent him a look. "He's still sick."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't know how to say 'I'm sorry.'" He raised an eyebrow as the Cid's door opened again. Shera exited and headed for the nurses' station. After signing some paper work she sat down next to Yuffie.

"What?" She asked self-contiously as she noticed everyone was looking at her.

Yuffie bounced to the edge of her seat. "So did he say he was sorry?" Shera blushed.

xXx

Thanks for reading. Please don't forget to tell me what you think. Even if you don't like it.


	4. Lost, but not Forgotten

This chapter is still sad, but hopefully you can see where the plot is heading. I'm sorry about all the symbolism I hope every gets, but if you don't tell me and I'll try to explain more carefully.

Lost, but not Forgotten

The fenrir was parked next to the sword. Cloud stood in front of the sword facing it, but his gaze was on the horizon. Almost as if he expected his old friend to appear in the sunset. He had spent the better part of the day standing there thinking. He was oblivious to the time that passed and Tifa found herself wondering what he was thinking about.

_"You." _Zack answered her question. _"He hasn't quite accepted your death yet. So like him to blame himself for something that he doesn't believe happened."_

_"He does think it happened?" _Tifa raised an eyebrow.

Zack smiled. _"He's trying to convince himself that it was a dream. That maybe you're just waiting for him somewhere."_

Tifa wanted to be happy that Cloud wasn't letting her go easily, but at the same time she knew it would be better for him if he let go. Then she had a thought. _"Is Aeris the only one who can hear us?"_

_"Do you remember what Cloud told you last time?" _Zack's eyesbrows practically rose into his hair.

Tifa nodded. _"The Promise Land."_ Maybe it wasn't to late to fix things. Though Tifa's forboding feeling still hadn't gone away. _"Zack, what's going to happen?"_

_"I can't tell you that." _He smirked. It was almost a sad smirk like he wanted to tease her, but like it was the last time he was going to smile for a while. Sighing he turned away from her. _"Just wait and watch."_

She was prevented from responding by Cloud's voice. "Zack? I'm ready to talk." His eyes shifted to the blade in the sand. "Why?" there was anguish and rage behind the question. "Why her? And don't say because she chose. Even if she did, why did you let her?"

_"Step two: find someone else to blame." _This time TIfa really did want to punch some sense into him.

Zack chuckled. _"At least he's not blaming himself."_

_"Fat chance. He's just decided to blame both of you."_ Tifa crossed her arms over her chest. _"How long will it take for him to hear me?"_

_"I thought the point of this whole thing was so that you didn't have to talk to him."_

_"What?" _Tifa's eyes widened as Zack spoke. Why wouldn't she want to talk to Cloud? He needed to understand.

Zack shook his head. _"You said you wanted this," _he waved his hand around, _"so that he would be happy. But was that the true reason or was it that you didn't want to suffer any more? YOU didn't have the courage to talk to him." _

Tifa bit her lip. Though Zack's voice was harsh his eyes were sad. She closed her eyes as she recongnized the pain. When she changed the past she effected Zack's life too. He was suppose to be here with Aeris not her. When Tifa changed it Zack was forced to once again watch as she lived on in a world without him.

_"What happened last time? What did you do when Aeris died?" _Tifa's choice resulted in Zack's lonliness.

Zack turned from her. _"I can't say that I wasn't happy to have her with me." _He sighed. _"Tifa, you made this choice remember that. You wanted to change it. If you don't like the results that's your problem."_ His voice went harch again, but Tifa forgave him after all he was seperated from what he wanted most because of her.

Cloud kicked the sword in front of him and it fell over. Anger and pain mixed on his face. Only one question went through his head. Why? What was the reason? Was there a reason? There had to be. He closed his eyes and thought of all the time he wasted. If he had known... what would he have done differently? Cloud shook his head and looked up at the horizon again.

"What should I do?" Cloud asked with a defeated tone. He finally found the right question, but he hated it. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Turning back to Tifa Zack asked her, _"What is he supposed to do?"_

"Why am I still here?" Cloud sighed. "There has to be a reason why she was chosen."

Tifa shook her head. _"Why can't he accept my death?"_

_"Tifa, he still hasn't accepted my death."_ Zack frowned, _"And we talked before I died. I got to tell him he was my friend."_

She frowned in response. _"He knows I was his friend. Doesn't he?"_ Her frown deepened. It would be like him to question things after all this time.

_"Like I said you had chances to talk to him. How is that you are so brave in battle, but you can't talk, really talk, with Cloud. Why can't you tell him?"_

_"It's better this way. He'll be happier this way."_

_"Does he look happy? Do any of them look happy?"_

Tifa lowered her eyes. Maybe there were a few more problems, but it would be better. It had to be better this way. _"He'll be happy. And when the geostigma comes Aeris will be able to heal it." _She nodded assuring herself.

Zack shook his head. _"Maybe you should be asking Cloud's question. Why? Why did Aeris have to die last time? What was the reason?" _He sighed defeated by the moment. _"Or do you think she died by coincidence?"_

_"What do you mean?" _She swallowed nervously there was an apprehension in Zack's voice that she didn't like.

_"Just remember you made this decision. Now you have to find out why?"_

He left Tifa's side and went to Cloud. Tifa watched rooted to the spot as they spoke. Aeris had always commented on how they were so alike, but Tifa always saw them as so different. Zack was the lighted darkness and Cloud was the darkened light. Sure they were alike. They had the same weapon and at times the same mannerisms, but the force behind it was different.

Zack was pushed on by his natural energy and positive outlook. He always had a plan for what to come next. Cloud was different. He didn't plan. He walked, he ran, he was steady, and when a problem arose in his path he didn't walk around it. But it wasn't the weight of his sword that held him down. It was what he saw in his past. He didn't see all the good he had done. All he saw was the faces of those who he'd failed to protect.

_"Cloud."_ She watched as Zack moved from Cloud and the living man drove off. _"It's better this way."_ She said to his disappearing back, but what she meant to be reassuring came out more like a question.

xXx

Cloud like speed. On fenrir he felt he could out run anything. Almost anything. Zack's words still rang in his head. _"We're friends, Cloud. I'll always be here, but I can't be an intermission for Tifa. You are going to have to talk to her."_

He had to talk to her. How could Zack expect him to talk to her? Where could he even do that? With Zack Cloud had a memorial. The sword served as Cloud's anchor to Zack's spirit, but where would he find Tifa. All he had of her was destroyed. Pain peirced Cloud as that thought sunk in. There was nothing left of Tifa anywhere. He hadn't yet accepted the fact that he would never see her smile again. Now he had to acccept that he had nothing left of hers.

In a way he should have been happy. Zack's sword was a constant reminder of his dead friend. But he wanted to remember Tifa. He refused to give her up, even if meant he had to suffer for it. Cloud stopped fenrir and looked back at the cliff. Behind the sword he could see two figures. Zack, ever the warrior, and next to him standing a bit behind was Tifa. Because of the distance Cloud couldn't see her face, but he would know her form any where. She was so near and yet completely unreachable.

He turned back around and droved off.

xXx

She smiled when she saw him, but she didn't move away from the flowers. "You came back." She was surprised. He rarely came to visit her after all there was so many obsticles between them. "Why did you come?"

_"Aeris?"_ he whispered her name almost as if he couldn't believe that she was before him. He rarely got to see her. That was the curse of the dead. They didn't have to mourn, but they did have to deal with the seperation. Then Zack frowned, why had Aeris agreed so quickly to Tifa's prayer? Did she want to be alive? Did she love Cloud? _"I came to see you of course."_

"I'm glad." Her smiled didn't waver as she met Zack's intense gaze. "Is something wrong?"

Yes. _"No."_ Zack knew he couldn't discuss the deal with her. She didn't remember the way it was when she had been the one to die. He forced his features into a smile. _"I miss you."_ There a perfect phrase that applied to both Aerises, the living one who stood before him and the dead one who had stood beside him.

She nodded her head. "I miss you as well." Looking down shyly she continued, "Is Tifa with you?"

Good question, and yet not the one you want to know the answer to. _"Umm... yes, I've been helping her understand." _This was complicated. Aeris was the one who decided this was a good idea and now somehow she had ended up hurting.

"I understand." Aeris's voice got very quiet.

_"Aeris."_

"No. I get it. You don't have to explain. She's there and she's alone. I'm not. I can't get to you." Zack didn't know what he wanted to do more hug her or strangle her. This was her own fault. "It's just- it took me so long to figure out what I was attracked to and now that I finally know you have someone else to turn to." Aeris turned away from him and hugged herself.

Zack came and stood behind her. Though he wasn't coporial Aeris could almost feel him. She closed her eyes and 'felt' his warmth behind her. His breath tickled the loose tendles of her hair. He was so close, so near. _"Aeris," _he barely breather her name. _"I'd never leave you."_

When Cloud entered the church Aeris didn't open her eyes. She stood in the middle of her flowers with a peaceful expression spread over her features. Aeris did hear the door open, but she wanted just one more moment with Zack, because she knew everytime she saw him that it could be her last.

_"I'll go."_ He wispered into her ear. _"But I won't be far."_

Aeris smiled as she slowly opened her eyelids as she returned from her dream like state. Cloud stood next to her peering at her closely with raised eyebrows. "I'm fine," she answered his unasked question. He shrugged as if he'd never considered asking. "Why are you here, Cloud?"

He turned so that they were both facing the same wall and paused as if in thought, but Aeris knew he was just hesitant to answer the inquiry. "I came to ask you a question."

This was kind of a surprise. Cloud didn't normally ask for help. He liked to do things his own way. So Aeris turned curious eyes towards his profile. "I..." Cloud paused and searched for words as he often did when put on the spot. "I want to know..." He lowered his gaze. "What did you do after Zack died? How did you react?"

"Cloud, every person reacts to death differently. If you're asking did I mourn Zack, then yes, I did. In my own way in my own time. You may not mourn the same way I do, nevertheless you need to find a way to mourn." Aeris tried to meet Cloud's eyes, but he moved them away. "Cloud?"

"Do you talk to him here?" She nodded. "And you spoke with Tifa here?" She affirmed again slower this time seeing where the conversation was heading. "Where can I talk to her?" He hung his head like he had failed to find something he was searching for.

"You can talk to her anywhere, Cloud." Aeris put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to face her. "She can always hear you."

Cloud's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Zack is dead. I mourned for him in order to accept this fact, but even though he's gone I keep a piece of him with me. You haven't let go of Tifa. You are dragging her along with you because you can't let her go." He wasn't looking at her. "Cloud, you have to find away to mourn her, to accept her death, and let her go."

"What if I don't want to? What if I would rather be miserable forever as long as I could keep her with me?" Cloud voice was flat and Aeris noticed he still didn't call Tifa by name.

She smiled sadly and shook her head. "You don't have to give her up for good. Keep a piece of her for now and wait. Someday you'll see her." He looked at with something very close to hope in his eyes. "She'll come to you, but only when you are ready."

xXx

Ummm... the usual tell me what you think. Yes, people I want the good and the bad. I love anyone who gave me reviews so far, especially Eleidin for keeping me in check and Xxyuna4evaxX for having such enthusiasim. Question: Should Cloud cry? I don't know if he should have or not. Anyway, thanks for reading.


	5. Fighting and Dying

Sorry about the long wait. My muse was sick. That's why this is kind of a short chapter. Oh and before you get excited I haven't decided on the Cloud crying, so that's not in here, but I did try to add something else.

Fighting and Dying

For some reason Reeve wasn't surprised when he didn't hear from Cloud for a weeks after Cid's hospital visit. The problem was that he didn't return his calls. Looking down Reeve noted that it had been over two weeks since Cloud had disappeared without a word. To make matters no one had seen or heard from him.

"You could send Vincent to find him." Yuffie suggested with a shrug thinking the same thing as him. "He's the only one that has a chance of finding him."

Reeve agreed, but "How do we get a hold of him?" Yuffie raised an eyebrow quizzically. "He's more difficult to talk to than Cloud. At least Cloud has a phone."

"Hmph..." Yuffie sat down. "Except he don't answer or return calls or even acknowledge the thing." She paused for a rare moment of silence. Maybe he broke it.

Reeve's eyes narrowed. Yuffie smiled innocently. She had occasionally broken hers. It wouldn't have been so bad, except it was a personal pet peeve of her boss. Yuffie down up again and walked to the door. "Don't worry. You know Vincent and Cloud. They always show up when they're needed."

xxx

He hadn't meant to come here; in fact, he had made up his mind never to come here again. And yet here is where he was drawn. Cloud parked Fenrir at the edge of the ruins, but turned away from them and looked back at the trail of dust and exhaust and watched as it disappeared. A path mapped out for a moment in time then gone just as quickly as he created it.

If Cloud had bothered to bring a map and a pen his path over the past month would have circled around Nibelheim and now here he stood. He couldn't even look at it. The place where they were born, where they grew up, where they met and where they were separated. So perhaps this is where he could find her.

Turning around slowly Cloud got back on the bike. He looked down at his hand and sighed. Finally he turned and looked down at the place he used to call home. Though there was little left Cloud could pick out what had been his house. He should have come here with _her_ when it was all over. _She_ was supposed to be with him.

He hadn't been able to feel anything since he saw _her_ still body. They fought Sephiroth. They saved the world. Cloud felt nothing. He wasn't happy, but at the same time he wasn't sad. He no longer functioned like a man. Then he arrived at Nibelheim and he began to feel something. Not sadness, but anger. His gloved hands formed fists as the rage built up inside of him, but there was nowhere for it to go. Sephiroth was dead. The monsters were sparse and weak.

Lifting his head Cloud's eyes narrowed into his fighting scowl. Aeris said _she_ trusted him. That must mean _she_ trusted him to find her, to tell her. Slowly he moved away from Fenrir and walks around the perimeter of the ruined town. He never got within arms reached of the ruins until he came to the well. His feet moved him to it and he raised his hand to the wooden planks.

Though his mind eye he saw it differently. The wood was weathered and aged, but untouched by the scarring of the flames. The sky darkened and two figures could be seen sitting above him. "Hey Cloud, why don't we make a promise?"

"What?" Cloud heard his younger self speak. He knew it was him and yet it wasn't. The innocence and optimism of that boy was something he could never regain. Something he had lost and the one person who could help him find it was missing as well.

Tifa's youthful voice answered him. "How about...if you ever become famous, and I'm ever in a bind you'll come and rescue me ok? I want to experience that at least once."

"What?" Cloud remembered his own bewilderment as she said this. He remembered feeling.

She had smiled at him then and pushed him. "Come on, promise me." Something in her eyes made him consent.

"Ok, I promise." Cloud closed his eyes. He told he would come to aid. He promised to rescue her. His fist made contact with the half-burned wood, scattering piece to the ground. "I promised." Something inside him felt like it was being ripped to confetti.

That was when all the memories flooded back. All he could hear was Tifa's voice in his ears. Her tone changed, but it was unmistakably her. "Oh! **Cloud**! Your hair looks like a Chocobo!"

"You know, **I'm** relieved you made it back safely."

"As long as I'm **with** you... As long as you're by my side... I won't give up even if I'm scared."

"Of course! If **you** take me lightly, you're gonna pay for it!!"

"...You forgot the promise, too. So you DID forget. **Remember**...Cloud. It was seven years ago..."

"All the things you didn't know **that** you should, and other things you shouldn't know that you did..."

She was here. She was in this place, but he couldn't reach her. Only through his memories could he find her. Cloud opened his eyes and found himself leaning his head against the burned pole. Had he just imagined hearing her speak? Cloud shook his head in confusion. Why wasn't it clearer? As he moved away his phone began to ring again. "Let it go Reeve."

Cloud retrieved the phone and called his voice mail. "You have ten new messages and three saved messages." The electronic voice informed him. Sighing Cloud pushed a button and prepared himself for the shouting to follow. The first message was Reeve calmly asking Cloud to contact him. Quickly followed by four of Barrett steadily yelling louder in his ear. Cid repeated his gesture with two of his own; Shera's was after that apologizing. Then came Yuffie's voice surprising Cloud with her message.

"Cloud, I know you're looking for a fight. Now you can continue to beat yourself up or you can come help. Reeve won't tell you, but the WRO could use your help."

The last message was from Vincent with five words. "Cloud, I'll need your help."

Shaking his head Cloud started Fenrir. His search would have to wait.

xxx

Between the remnants of the old Avalanche and the WRO, they had gathered a small army. No one asked where all the money came from, but everyone knew. Tifa watched her friends prepare for battle. She felt guilty; after all she was supposed to be with them. She remembered how the battle went last time. She remembered sitting in the truck with Barrett. She recalled fighting along side Cloud. She helped them.

Aeris stepped up ready to take Tifa's place. Her green eyes were laced with determination. Staff in hand she was prepared to help in anyway she could. So no one was more surprised than her by what Cloud had to say. "Put your staff down Aeris. You're not coming."

He didn't even look at her as he readied Fenrir waiting for Barrett to start the truck. "I'm here to help, Cloud. Whether or not you like it." Emerald green eyes flashed with annoyance. Cloud didn't respond, in fact, he didn't show any sign of hearing her. "Cloud!"

"I heard you." His gaze flicked to hers for a moment. "You still can't come. You're not much use, so you'll just get in the way." Finally he stopped fiddling with his bike and looked up into her eyes. "It's better if you stay here."

She clenched her teeth together. Cloud was stubborn, so he wouldn't give in even if she fought him. And yet, she had to know. "Why?"

Cloud looked over his shoulder and saw Barrett backing up the truck. "Just stay here," he mumbled as he headed for the driver's door.

"If Tifa was here you'd let her go." Aeris commented sadly in a quiet voice. She was right and Tifa knew it, last time the Deep Ground Soldiers attacked. The girl in pink wasn't so easily dismissed. She headed for the door, but was stopped by a WRO member.

"Where are you going?" he asked gruffly.

Aeris smiled sweetly. "Home." After all they couldn't hold her here and this man wouldn't know that her home was in Midgar.

"Umm.. maybe I should ask-" She had to get passed quite possible the only man here who spared time to worry about protocol.

"Sir, I was ordered to get out of the way. Seeing as I am no help." She paused a moment and looked straight into his eyes. "Now, you can either go tell Cloud Strife that you are disobeying his command or you can step aside." Tifa couldn't help but smile. The look on the man's face when she mentioned Cloud, Tifa had never seen a man so pale before.

He swallowed. "Of course, you may go home. I wouldn't try to stop you." He hastily stepped out of the way and allowed Aeris passage.

She walked passed him without another word, but once she was out of earshot she turned back. She watched as Cloud loaded his bike with Barrett at his side. "I hope he doesn't get in trouble for that," Aeris commented as she shifted her gaze to the misguided guard.

Cloud looked around and sighed finally Aeris had gotten the hint. He may have been hard on her, but Tifa had died saving her life. He wasn't going to let Aeris die too. He wouldn't have Tifa's death be in vain. "Yo Spike. You good to go." Cloud nodded at Barrett. The back door to the truck shut and they were on the move. Fighting that was all they were good at. Fighting and dying.

xxx

I realize the quotes from Tifa are completely random and some of them don't apply, but it was the bolded words that I needed and I hope everyone got what I was trying to do there. At the end part I was trying to add some Doc, but I'm not as familiar with that game, so I wasn't really sure how to integrate it.

Thanks to everyone who gave advice on Cloud's tears. And thanks elebelly for being so ecstatic about the story.


	6. An Angel's Lament

Warning: You may have noticed the rating went up. This warning is being added for anyone who is prone to crying, keep a box of tissue near. Oh and I am fully aware that many of you will hate me for this chapter, but it could not be helped.

The Angel's Lament

She watched him fight. Some how with a sword in his hand his cocky persona resurfaced. For the first time she saw him make decisions without a second thought. He didn't pause; he reacted. Tifa watched her friends fight. Aching to help them her fingers subconsciously turned to fists.

"Don't worry. You already know how it turns out." Zack appeared beside Tifa.

She looked over at him, pensive, "How do you do that?" Zack raised an eyebrow. "How come you can always find me, but I can never seem to get to you?"

Zack smiled humorlessly. "I've been dead for awhile, Tifa. You have to remember we've both witnessed this before." He turned to look at the battle.

"So nothings going to change?" Tifa asked sadly turning away from the battle. "Everything will happen the same as before. Cloud will still suffer."

"Did you think by taking her place you would somehow remove all suffering from the world?" Zack shook his head. "Cloud will still suffer because he lost a friend and there is no way to change that. Last time he lost Aeris, this time you, but he still feels responsible. That is a demon that he has to struggle with."

Tifa knew that she had lived through it. For some reason she thought her death would resolve his guilt.

xXx

For weeks after the battle all Aeris could think of was the look on Cloud's face when he found her fight be his side. He looked hurt. Betrayed. So when she say the dark figure in her garden that morning she hoped for a fleeting moment that it was the blond swordsman, but a moments time showed her the glow of the lifestream surrounding the figure. Zack? Aeris smiled when she finally recognized her. Tifa looked different as she knelt in the flower garden. Aeris normally didn't permit any one to walk among her flowers, but she saw that though Tifa tried she couldn't touch the flowers.

"Zack has the same problem." Tifa looked up at the sound of Aeris' voice and smiled. "But every time he comes he still tries to pick one."

_"I just want to touch one."_ Tifa sighed unhappily.

Aeris smiled back, then laughed. "I can see you now. You're growing stronger. It took years for me to see Zack."

_"Maybe it's you because no one else can see me." _She frowned, _"Or even hear me."_

"By no one you mean Cloud." Tifa nodded slowly. "The two of you aren't ready to meet yet. He's not ready to see you, but Tifa; I don't think you're prepared to see him either. Remember, things aren't like they used to be. This time he didn't leave, you did."

That comment stuck with Tifa. She had resented, even hated, Cloud's habit of leaving her behind and now she had done just that to him. But she had left him to a place where he couldn't... shouldn't follow. No, she reminded herself, she left so that Cloud could be with Aeris. She was giving him what he wanted. So where was he? _"I don't need to talk to him. I just want him to let me go."_

"He won't." Aeris broke her gaze from Tifa and knelt down to pick one of her fragile flowers. Blessing it, she held it out to Tifa. "You know he'll never fully forget you."

_"I don't want him to forget me. I just don't want him to go searching for me like when..." _Tifa broke off her sentence realizing she almost forgot that Aeris didn't remember the switch.

"Tifa, is that why you have to talk to him, because until you do he won't let go."

_"Even if he meets me he won't."_

"How do you know?"

Tifa lowered her head. _"Trust me. I know." _Aeris reached out and touched the flower still held in Tifa's hand. _"Sometimes he's just to stubborn."_

"You knew him better than anyone, Tifa. With you gone he must feel like he's lost everything. You were the last of his childhood, the last of his family, the last piece of him." Aeris smiled sadly. "He needed you for support. You looked to him and trusted him. It's not just the fact that you are gone, but that with you everything you represent leaves as well. Trust, Friendship, Happiness, Love. Tifa, we saved the world and gave all of us a chance to live, but you were always the one who gave us a reason to be happy."

Aeris took a calming breath. "I miss you. I miss your smiling even when things were at their worst. I miss you keeping the boys in check and making me laugh. I hate that fact that I'll never fight by your side again."

Tifa looked down at the flower that they both held as if it was the last link they had to each other. _"Pink ribbons."_ At that moment that was the only thing Tifa could think about. They had all chosen to wear pink ribbons. Some of them said it was because of Meteor, some because of the dead flower girl, but Tifa knew the truth: they just wanted a piece of her with them. _"Aeris, you don't have to miss me. A part of me will always be with you because you were my friend." _

"You were my first true friend, Tifa. You gave up everything for me. I can never thank you for that."

_"Never forget me." _At that moment Aeris watched Tifa change. Her white tank top and black miniskirt were replaced by a long blue dress that reached her knees in the front and her ankles in the back. She sparkled with the energy of the lifestream and Aeris knew that this last memory of Tifa would never fade.

xXx

Edge was so familiar and yet different at the same time. Sometimes Tifa would turn down a street and find it was a dead end where she remembered there being a road. Some stores were the same, others didn't come close. Tifa walked to where Seventh Heaven would have stood and in it's place she found a weapons shop. Ironic, the last place of peace and comfort she had was invaded by war. Tifa shook her head as looked at the decrepit little building that dishonored the soil where her family should be.

Tifa turned away no longer able to look and saw two girls sitting in a shadowy alley. Both girls where fairly young. The young one had her blond head lying in the elder's lap. The older child had dark brown hair. She lifted her dark brown eyes and looked in Tifa's direction almost as if she knew the woman was there. Tifa didn't turn away. Though she knew it was coming it still shocked her.

A dark stain on the right shoulder of her dress told Tifa where her infliction was though she couldn't see it. The brunette child lowered her head as the younger girl shifted her head on her thigh. As the young girl shifted Tifa saw the scar on her cheek running from her eye to her ear. The girl reached up and brushed her blond hair to hide the worst of the scarring, just like Denzel used to do.

Knowing the children couldn't see her Tifa walked over to them. She knelt down and brushed each of their scars. Her fingers passed right through them, but the children smiled as if they could feel it. On the knee that wasn't propping up the blond child's head Tifa left the flower Aeris had given her. The moment her fingers let go the flower became visible again. The brunette girl picked it up and showed it to the other. They were both still smiling, when Tifa left them. She had to find Denzel.

xXx

She knew where he should be. He was supposed to be at the Church. Last time Aeris had led him to Cloud, hadn't she? Was Tifa supposed to help him this time? How was she even supposed to find him? Tifa returned to the Church and looked around. _"I suppose it would be too easy if he was at the Church." _

Guessing at the direction Denzel came from by what Cloud had told her about the time when he had found the boy. She tried to remember what the date was... then she compared it with the day he came into their lives. _"Oh no. Denzel would've been here three days ago."_

Tifa looked spun around suddenly nervous. Denzel had collapsed in front of the Church. If he collapsed again this time, where was he and who would take care of him? She was supposed to be taking care of him. Her and Marlene. Together they took care of him. She headed in the opposite direction. He was hungry that was the first thing he told Marlene about what happened. So, where would a hungry boy go in the ruins of Midgar?

Lowering head Tifa had to admit that she didn't know. The only time she went to the slums was when she went to Aeris' church. Aeris might still be there, but if Denzel was to go there he would have already been there three days ago. Tifa's heart jumped into her throat as she picked her way through the ruins. Several of the buildings were too demolished to even enter, but still there were thousands of places she would have to look to find him.

_"How, Zack, how do you always find me? How can I find Denzel?"_ When Tifa looked up she saw the world in a new way, through the lifestream. Living things glowed with. It connected them all. There wasn't much glowing in Midgar, but in a building across the street from where Tifa stood a soft green glow was fading. _"No."_

She ran into the building and found him. He was there. Lying on a pile of rags his injured head in his hands. He shivered with the cold as tears pricked Tifa's eyes. Here he was cold, hungry, alone, and tired of fighting. She entered the small room that must've been a closet at one point in time. Denzel, probably sensing her presence looked up and met her gaze. His eye widened in wonderment. "Are you my guardian angel?"

Tifa felt a lump rise in her throat preventing her from answering as a tear fell down her cheek. The boy continued to stare at her though tear of pain slipped out the corners of his eyes. Kneeling Tifa sent up a silent prayer to the Life stream. Please, just this once let me touch Denzel. Let me help him. Reaching out to the boy she pulled him into her lap and making sure to avoid his geostigma she ruffled his hair. He smiled.

Through Denzel's eyes she was glowing. He couldn't quite make out her face because of the light behind her, but the way she touched him soothing his fears. It was a mother's touch. Not his mother, but a mother just the same. She began to sing. Her voice was ethereal like a dozen angels stood in a circle surrounding them lamenting his illness. He was no longer alone, his hunger passed and his pain slipped away, but he was tired.

_"The light of the day goes away_

_Remember all you have today_

_Tomorrow has yet to come_

_But it will when you go home."_

He eyes began to close and his breath evened. He was falling asleep and the tears in Tifa's eyes began rolling down her cheeks. From this sleep he would never awake. One tear fell on his cheek and he opened one eye. "Are you crying for me?"

Tifa nodded. _"You and all the other's that died because of Jenova."_ The boy smiled and closed his eyes again. This time his breathing slowed and then stopped. Tifa let out the sob she was holding back and pulled the boy's head to her chest. _"I'm sorry, Denzel. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to die. You should live. If anyone should live its you." _

xXx

I'm sorry if anyone is depressed. Few quick comments: Ummm… if you noticed I gave up on DoC, sorry it just didn't work out. I decided instead to go to Advent Children. Sorry for the confusion folks. **Review** (please, please, please) if you have the time it is helpful for me to know what you think.

**Toons: **Sorry another dark, unhappy chapter. **Eleidin: **Okay Tifa did something. Maybe not what you wanted, but you actually helped me so thank you. **Admiral Andalite: **Thanks for the YouTube hint, but I gave up on DoC. **Xxyuna4evaxX: **You could never be annoying. You just have a lot of spunk. **purple parasol: **Thanks I try to be creative.


	7. If at First You Don't Succeed

Sorry you had to wait. Why did you have to wait. Why did you have to wait? Oh, yes, because of the spirit of Valentine's Day. Though some of you are less than enthusiastic about this holiday I have decided not to post another depressing chapter during the holiday week. So now you may enjoy another chapter. I'm winding down. Only a few more to go, so enjoy them while they last.

Quick notes: The chapter has short clips. I had two reviewers (**Admiral **and **Pirate **that assumes me to no end), who said they wanted to see Denzel in the Lifestream. I tried to do this justice. Hope you like it.

If at First you Don't Succeed?

She never let go of him. Denzel held his angel's hand as she led him to the lifestream. Tifa smiled when Zack met them. _"Who is he?" _Denzel asked her in a soft voice. She knew the look on his face she had seen it many times before when Denzel looked at Cloud. It was the look he reserved for his heroes. It had been his look for only Cloud until now.

Tifa closed her eyes. _"He's Zack. He's a friend."_

Denzel smiled up at her then hugged her. _"Thank you. Thank you for coming for me. For not leaving me."_

Zack joined them and knelt by the boy. _"Welcome. I know you don't want to be here, but the choice was not yours." _Zack looked at Tifa. _"Do you want to see your parents?"_ Denzel nodded quickly and Zack showed him the way leaving Tifa with her thoughts.

Putting her head in her hands Tifa sat in the silence. When Aeris died Tifa felt guilty. They all had. After all they were alive and she was not, but Tifa never felt as if she was the cause of the flower girl's death. She knew Cloud blamed himself enough for all of them. This time it was different. She had to blame herself for Denzel's death. She knew had circumstances been different he would have lived. It was for all case and purposes her fault that he was gone.

_"Don't blame yourself." _She looked up to see Zack watching her. _"He is happy here."_

_"Don't patronize me, Zack. You know as well as I that he was supposed to live."_

_"Live? Live where, Tifa?" _Zack frowned at her. _"His home is gone. Seventh Heaven doesn't exist. Would you have him travel with Cloud or maybe he could live in the decaying church with Aeris." _Zack paused for a moment allowing the silence to absorb reason into Tifa. _"No? I didn't think so." _Zack put his hand on her shoulder. _"He doesn't have a family down there anymore to look out for him. You are here and so are his parents. It just is better for him to be here where we can look after him."_

_"No, Zack, it's not. No matter how you rationalize it Denzel is dead and he wasn't supposed to be." _Tifa brought her head up. _"Cloud?!"_

_"There is nothing you can do for him, Tifa." _Zack met her gaze. _"He's already infected."_

Tifa grabbed his arm. _"But Aeris she can cure him. She did last time." _The sad look in Zack eyes told Tifa there was something wrong. _"Zack, what is it? What's wrong?"_

xxx

He had heard of the disease. Reeve spoke of it often and it's mortality rate. At first he had tried to ignore it then the other symptoms came and Cloud could brush it aside anymore. During one such episode when he felt as his head would split open he had the feeling that someone was watching him. When the pain subsided Cloud looked around him. He was once again at Zack's memorial. He found himself here often. He found he needed a place to speak to his lost friends as if his friend could tell him how to change the past and prepare for the future.

Future. Cloud almost smiled at the irony. He had no more future. He had the past and there he stayed. But he had one more thing he had to do. One thing that he owed her. Cloud was getting used to the weird looks like when he asked Reeve for the blue prints, when he asked Yuffie for the materials, oh and his personal favorite, when he ran into Vincent. The looks he was getting used to and the time alone, but hitting his hand with the hammer that was taking some time and the splinters still made him wince in pain.

There was a reason why Cloud didn't become a carpenter and when the well was finished he knew why. He had failed to figure out how to lever the wood, his measurements were never exact and the entire well looked as if it would crumble any minute, but it was a well and he had made it. It's interesting to watch a man discover a new emotion. The ex-SOLIDER stood before his masterpiece and felt pride soak into his heart. This was the last piece.

Returning to his bike Cloud navigated his way to Midgar. With the completion of the well he had finally worked up the nerve to ask for what he hadn't earned. He stopped in front of the Church and found Aeris inside caring for her flowers. Cloud often wondered if they need as much care as Aeris gave them or would they wither and die if she was no longer there for them. Something told him that the flowers would remain long after the care Aeris loving dowted on them was gone.

"Cloud," she looked up and smiled at him. "I'm sorry but I haven't seen Tifa in a while."

Though that hadn't been his purpose for coming Cloud couldn't stop his heart from plummeting into his stomach as the hope that supported it was ripped away. He had tried to tell himself that it didn't matter, but the hope came anyway and then so did the despair. "I didn't come because of that. I was wondering. Ummm..." Cloud could find the words to ask her. "Last time I was here you said you might be able to heal the Stigma." He focused very hard on the flowers littering the floor. "Did you ever try?"

"No," Aeris said sadly, then she brightened a little. "Do you know someone who will let me? Maybe I could save them."

"Yeah." Cloud nodded hesitantly.

"Well, It's not a guarantee, but I could at least try." Aeris wanted to help. There was a happiness that seemed to light her up from the inside at the prospect of saving a life. She behind him curiously as if expecting a child to appear. "So where is my patient?"

Cloud finally looked up and met her gaze. "It's me." Cloud removed the sleeve from his arm so Aeris could take a closer look. "Do you think-"

"I can try." Aeris looked closely at the wound then up into his eyes. "Why did you tell anyone, Cloud?"

"I didn't want to worry anyone." Cloud turned away, or as much as he could with Aeris holding on to his arm.

Aeris shook her head. "Did you think that we wouldn't want to be there for you? How would you feel if one of us were dying and we just went away? How would you feel if someone died and you didn't get to say goodbye?" She was trying to get him to open up, but the more she said the more closed off he became.

"I know how I would feel, because I already do." Cloud closed his eyes. "You talked to her. You got to say goodbye." Cloud looked down at his arm. "I'm too afraid to die, because I know she'll be there and I don't deserve to see her."

Aeris turned his face back towards her. "Cloud, she wants to see you. Don't you think she should be allowed to make that decision?"

As Cloud nodded solemnly Aeris got down to business and looked closely at Cloud's arm. This was the first time she had even seen the disease close up. It looked almost as if the tissue inside his arm was turning into the black substance that was being extricated. "How long?" Aeris asked in a hesitant voice.

"I don't know. A few months."

Aeris shook head, but didn't say anything. Taking her materia out she focused and tried to heal Cloud. As she began the process she could hear the whispering of the lifestream. It was pleading with her to heal the disease. Almost as if it needed her too, but the more she tried the less it seemed to work. After a few moments Cloud had to pull away from her hold as the pain became too intense for even him to bear.

As Cloud lay on the ground groaning in pain Aeris lowered her head into her hands the whispering had subsided a little but she could still hear it begging her to heal. And yet when she tried to heal Cloud all she did was cause him pain. The whispering caused a dull ache to throb in her head and she lay down next to Cloud. "I'm sorry," She whispered when he could finally lift his head. "I couldn't heal you. The more I tried the worse it got. I don't understand. Why couldn't I heal you?"

Though he was still too weak to stand Cloud sat up and pulled Aeris into his arms. He held her as she cried. He didn't know how to comfort her or what to say, so he just held her and listened as she tried to explain what she felt from the Lifestream.

If a person constantly walks in unannounced she is bound to eventually see something that she would have rather not. Being dead Tifa couldn't exactly knock on the door, so unfortunately the scene she walked in on was one she could have lived without ever witnessing. In one moment she took in Cloud and Aeris nestled comfortably in a bed of flowers and then she ran. She ran away like a coward.

xxx

Tifa returned to the Lifestream where she thought she could be alone to console herself, but instead she found Denzel waiting for her. _"What is it? What's wrong?" _She asked him.

He frowned. _"It's Zack. He's distracted. He told me to talk to you."_

Trying to smile to comfort the boy Tifa tried to think of what Zack wanted her to tell Denzel. Once she remembered she also remembered why she had gone to the Church. She was trying to avoid this conversation. _"You have to tell him, Tifa." _Zack had said. _"You have to tell him now. It has to come from you or else he'll feel betrayed."_

_"Denzel, Remember when Zack said that you were here because of someone else's choice."_ The little boy nodded and Tifa tried to swallow the lump in her throat. _"Well, that choice was mine. You weren't supposed to die. I made a choice and because of that you came."_

_"That's okay, Tifa." _The boy smiled up at her. _"I'm okay here. My parents are here. How could it be better if I had lived?"_

The lump in Tifa's throat dissolved into tears. She could have handled anger from the boy or even sadness, but not his careful acceptation. He wasn't supposed to die. She didn't know what good would come of his living, but she knew he was important. He was special. She knelt down in front of him. _"You would have made life better for many people." _She pulled the confused boy into a tight hug. _"You made my life worth living." _Tifa remembered every time she had smiled when she wanted to cry because of her two little angels. "_If it hadn't been for you and Marlene..."_

xxx

Aeris had said that she wanted to see him, then why did she run away the minute she saw him. He didn't know why could see her, but for the first time since her death there she was. And all her got to see was her moving as fast as she could away from him. Cloud sat onto top of the well and let the seething anger burn its way through him. He wasn't really sure who he was mad at or why, but he welcomed the emotion. The anger filled the hole in his life if even for a moment and for those moments he felt live for the first time since she died.

He didn't know what to do. Aeris said she wanted to see him, but she didn't seem to want to. Cloud looked up at the stars and saw the mountains in the distance. "Aeris isn't the only one who can speak to Tifa." Weighing his options Cloud decided where he needed to go. But when he reached his bike his phone told him he had messages.

"You have..." Cloud waited impatiently as the electronic voice droned on. Then came Reeve's voice. "Cloud, Reno called. It seems the Turks need your help, but they wouldn't say what about." Cloud wrote down the instructions and mounted Fenrir. The other stuff would have to wait.

xxx

Yay! Finally into AC. I'm sorry if anyone was confused at the DoC randomness. Sometimes I do things that don't make any sense I mean the story is about Tifa (basically) so why did I use DoC? Because me head isn't always screwed on straight. Hence the apology. Forgive me.

Though I am the writer and this story is entirely under my control. I was wondering what your opinion was. **Is this a Drama or a Tragedy? **Give me your opinion. And I hope you realize what this question entails before you answer it. Oh and thank you everyone for taking the last chapter so well. I thought people would be mad that I killed Denzel, but I guess you all found a grain of salt. Thanks.


	8. The Longest Day pt 1

Sorry for the long wait. Hope this chapter was worth it. Enter Kadaj and the remnants.

xxx

The thoughts sped through Cloud's mind as he stared across the ruins of Midgar buildings at Kadaj, the remnant, the puppet that was the cause of all this trouble. And for what? Jenova, Mother, a being he had never met or known. A thing he would never understand.

Cloud had already had a long, hard day. He almost couldn't remember the stupid phone call that started it all. He never would have thought that Rufus would call on him. And then on top of that ask him to be his 'muscle'. After what he had pulled? Cloud had said no and left. He had to. There was nothing he could do to save the world, not this time.

xxx

He'd gone to Zack's grave. The stigma; it was getting worse. There was nothing he could do about it. From Zack's grave he headed to the church; he didn't know why. No, wait, he did. He could clearly remember the voice in his head. He had had voices there before, but the previous voices had been harsh and cold. This new one was warm, kind, familiar. He knew this voice and he knew he could listen to this voice. He could trust this voice. He wanted to trust this voice.

The view in the church wasn't what Cloud expected. Many of the flowers were crushed and scattered, but it wasn't the flowers that forced Cloud to gasp. On the far side of the garden lay a bundle of pink. The realization came quickly, but Cloud didn't accept that it was Aeris until he was at her side. She lay on her side breathing slowly, but her eyes remained closed even after Cloud moved to lay her on her back.

"Aeris," He hated the begging sound of his voice.

She closed her eyes tighter. "Help them. They're in pain." Her eyes shot open. "They're in pain. They're calling for me to help them." There was deep pain in her eyes. "But I can't get to them. I can't get to them." The more she spoke the less sense she made.

"Aeris, who? Who needs help?"

For a moment Aeris didn't speak, then she said, "Them." and passed out again.

_Them. _Aeris had said the word with such conviction as if it would mean something to him. It had been a while since he'd last spoken to Aeris. He didn't know what she spoke of. Worse yet, he didn't know who would. Who would Aeris tell? Did she tell Tifa? Cloud was about to rise when a wave of pain came over him.

Ominous whispering surrounded him and the images flashed before his eyes, images of pain. Images of...

Cloud awoke. The pain slipped away. He was still in the church. Two pairs of eyes stared at him. "Yo, you're awake." Reno, ever the chatty Turk spoke first.

Unable to suppress a groan, Cloud stood. Apparently a kinder emotion appeared in the Turk duo as they moved Aeris to a more comfortable position nestled in a bed of flowers. She probably would've have been annoyed had she been more herself. As it was, she sat with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees whispering and murmuring to herself.

"Is she alright?" Cloud asked.

"Dunno." Rude responded, monosyllabic.

Reno shrugged. "She wouldn't let us near her. She keeps talking about the voices demanding her to save the children."

"The children?"

"Yeah." Reno frowned. "They're missing. Can't find a single child in Edge."

Cloud's face featured his signature scowl. "Who would take the children?"

"I would venture to guess your three momma's boys may have something to do with it." Reno slipped a look at Aeris. "Umm... as an alternative to babysitting, we'll look into it."

xxx

Reno and Rude hadn't been gone long when Aeris began to speak. She spoke as if there was an audience in the room. An audience that was scream to her for help. "I can't do it. I'm sorry, but I can't. There is a divide. I can't cross the divide."

She raised her arms and put her hands over her ears. She closed her eyes and screamed in a desperate attempt to make the voices stop. "Aeris," Cloud knelt before her and put his hands over hers, gently, but firmly pulling them away. "Aeris, what's wrong?"

Green eyes widened, "Something's wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. I need to cross the divide." Aeris smiled. "The children?"

"We found a witness." Reno spoke from the church's door.

"Kadaj?"

Rude nodded. "They're at the base."

Before Cloud could speak, Aeris closed her eyes again. "Go, Cloud." She turned away from him. "It's not the children they want."

xxx

Cloud had already had a hell of a day when he found himself face to face with Kadaj across the ruins. He'd finally caught up with the remnant in the middle of Midgar's ruins. For a moment Cloud just watched Kadaj, waiting for him to execute his plot. All of his actions up to this point were to gain sole possession of the small box containing his mother.

And now that he had it, Cloud had no choice but to wait for Kadaj to make his move. "Brother, I'm with her at last!" Kadaj was too wrapped up in his own excitement to notice Cloud bristle at the ridiculous pet name the remnant had bestowed on him.

xxx

Everything inside of Cloud screamed at him to not to go in search of the children, but that comforting voice wanted him to go and he wanted it happy. He wanted her happy. The Forgotten City. That was where the children were. The drive wasn't far, but it was long enough for Cloud to begin questioning himself. He had barely gotten away when only two attacked him. How could he beat all three of the remnants and escape with the children?

_Trust in your self, Cloud. Just believe._

The voice spoke again from the back of his consciousness from a place of peace. Cloud was surprised that such a place could exist within him and yet he felt the serenity every time she spoke. The ride wasn't long enough for him to ponder this further.

The shooting started as soon as he came into view. He expected the remnants to attack, but he didn't know he would have to dodge the children as well. He lost control of Fenrir and rolled on the ground, now completely blocked off by a sea of innocent children.

"I'm glad you could make it." Kadaj announced in a mocking tone.

Cloud was still on the ground and not happy about it. "I only came for the kids."

"See this man **He's our big brother.**" Kadaj spoke to the children already under his control. "But, alas, in our happy flock..." Kadaj turned, putting his weapon against Cloud's neck. "He's what you'd call a black sheep."

xxx

Cloud's curiosity got the better of him. "So what's gonna happen now?" It was the question that had been on Cloud's tongue since he'd first heard of the remnants' search for mother. What would happen once they found her? Knowing all that Jenova caused, it couldn't be good.

"Mother's going to tell me." Even Kadaj didn't really know.

xxx

Kadaj brought his hand back to strike. Cloud took the opportunity to grab his weapon. Metal on metal and the fight began. Predicting his own doom Cloud fought against the three remnants, but his will wasn't really in it he knew from the begin that he was going to lose and it soon became less of a fight to save the children and more of a battle to the death from Cloud's stand point.

Yazoo shot round after round as Loz approached. Cloud blocked the shots, but had to duck out of Loz's reach before he parried him. For a moment they attacked each other. When you're being attacked it's less thought and more instinct, but Cloud just felt like he was being thrown from remnant to remnant trying to defend himself. The problem came when they started attacking together.

He might not have survived on his own, but it doesn't hurt to have a friend to help. A red figure that could only be Vincent Valentine came to his aid. Shooting at the remnants from under his red cape and whisking Cloud away.

xxx

Though it was the truth Kadaj didn't like being reminded that he was less than his predicessor. "So what if I'm a puupet?" He prepared for his attack. "Once upon a time.." He looked at Cloud. "YOU WERE, TOO!!" Kadaj was the first to attack again.

xxx

"See? I knew I'd be no help." Cloud said more to himself than to Vincent. He then addressed his companion. "Vincent! What do you know about this?"

The enigmatic figure explained enough for Cloud to understand what Kadaj and his group were up to. Mother was Jenova and Kadaj could cause plenty of damage if he got a hold of her. "I'm going to see Rufus. I need to get some answers."

"Are you sure that's the best idea?"

_"No, Cloud."_

"No?" Cloud spoke aloud, as he didn't know how else to address the voice. Vincent looked at him curiously. "Are sins ever forgiven?"

"I don't know. I've never tried."

"Never tried." Cloud remembered what Aeris said. Forgiveness is freely given.


	9. The Longest Day pt 2

Sorry this is bit short. Oh..oh good news I have a beta. She's awesome (though she doesn't think so). If there are any problems blame Kikyo-Hime. Whatever. Enjoy!

xxx

Cloud jumped, avoiding Kadaj's attack, but the remnant met him mid air with another. Exchanging blows they landed together. Cloud sliced near Kadaj's shoulder, but missed as the puppet flipped away, but he didn't waste a moment. Coming at Cloud again he alternated striking high then low. Cloud easily blocked him, but found it hard to land a blow of his own. Trying again, all his large sword met was open air.

Cloud scowled as Kadaj jumped backward out of his reach. Cloud followed, swinging his sword; it would've split Kadaj in two, but his jumping sent him over Cloud's head. Getting annoyed Cloud blocked the remnants blows as his were in turn avoided. Finally the two blades met for a moment and Cloud saw that Kadaj was as annoyed as he. Perhaps this was a bad day all around.

xxx

He was late. He was always late. Cloud finally arrived in Edge half way through the young city's first fight. He did arrive in time to pull a hesitant Barrett away from burning projectiles that were moments before a building. Cloud lifted him up and dropped him just as quickly landing on an outcrop a few feet above.

"Where the hell you been?" Barrett yelled up at him, but Cloud wasn't listening. This wasn't the time to argue about punctuality. The big summoned monster was a slightly more pressing concern. Taking a sword in each hand Cloud prepared himself. Together they would need to fight this. Together, they all worked, but some of them were missing. Even as he jumped throwing himself into an attack on the creature Cloud couldn't help but wonder if she was there, if she was fighting with them.

xxx

The battle raged on between the remnant and the SOLIDER they fought alongside a building. Each wary of the other movements, Cloud struck out and hit Kadaj's weapon but with a twist of his wrist Kadaj sent his right sword flying. It landed in another building nearby. Cloud wasn't bothered, he knew better than to let his guard down. Instead he attacked Kadaj again, who surprised by his continuing assault was forced to jump out of range.

Once Kadaj was away Cloud jumped up and retrieved his weapon. Landing in a crouch he surveyed his attacker for a moment. Kadaj was standing on what had once been a building, but once he spied Cloud he leapt into the air. Cloud reciprocated, rising to meet him.

They exchanged blows mid air and didn't slow down as they set down on another ruin. Kadaj was annoying. He didn't stay in one place for long constantly jumping from one side to the other, but Cloud wasn't concerned. After all, it was the remnant who wanted him out of the way.

xxx

You know how large a monster is when it can catch Cloud's sword with its teeth. As Cloud jumped he headed straight for the beast and the thing tried to eat his weapon then threw them both away just as easily. The Summon continued straight for Cloud, who repeatedly brought his sword into play, but to no avail. The monster was undeterred and Cloud was forced to retreat and consider other forms of attack.

Not giving him much of a chance it came at him again. Instead of allowing the animal to come down on him Cloud brought his sword up and rose to meet his attacker. He repeated struck the animal on his head with little in the way of results. Until he took the time to calculate a direct strike, the winged thing lost its control and fell into the city. Gravity effected Cloud as well, but he flipped easily and landed on his feet while being careful to keep an eye on the summon.

xxx

When swords meet and the sword masters come face to face for a second they can lock eyes. It is hard to hide things in those moments, thus the fighters find themselves revealing things that they never wanted known to the last person they would ever tell. Kadaj pushed away first and both he and Cloud jumped away. Each stood in his corner like boxers sizing up his opponent.  
Kadaj stood his weapon at the ready, head bent as he stared at Cloud through his hair. Taking a moment he watched his _brother_, then his face twitched with rage as he ran towards the blond. He leapt into the air announcing his attack. Cloud prepared himself, combining his swords into one. Gravity on his side, Kadaj came down on Cloud, but he underestimated him.

Cloud deflected his attack causing Kadaj to lose control as he flew through the air, losing his sword and barely catching himself on the side of one of the less ruined buildings.

xxx

The Summon didn't stay down. Rising up it made very sure everyone within sight knew how mad it was. It rose high in the air. A determined Cloud followed. No matter how determined, he wasn't about to be able to beat this alone. Barrett got a chance to repay him pulling him up and throwing him higher. He struck the beast straight in the forehead, but it wasn't enough. Flipping through the air Cloud was caught by Cid who repeated Barrett's gesture, pushing him back into the sky.

The monster flew higher above the tops of the highest buildings. Red helped next, jumping and dragging Cloud up with him, but Cloud still needed more. Yuffie gave him a lift pushing his foot up and letting him fly. Cloud prepared his sword ready to face the menace above. All he needed was one last push. The red cape swirled around him, a moment as Vincent traveled with him, then the gun man released him sending him up to fight for them all. "Fly."

He was on course straight towards the Summon, but then out of the corner of his eye he saw her. In all the places, of all the times. It was the first time he'd actually saw her. She was there to help, he knew that, but even as she threw him upwards telling him not to give up, all he wanted to do was fall back down to her. Even though she was no longer there his body seemed to obey this unspoken command.

He fell like a rock.

xxx

Kadaj's sword lost, he hung on to the ledge. Cloud came and stood above him. Kadaj seemed to be a threat no longer. The two shared a look. In a surprising move Kadaj threw the box holding Jenova at Cloud. He then pulled himself into the air. Grabbing the box he pulled it to him. "My reunion…bet your dying to watch."

Cloud would have done anything to prevent the reunion and he tried. Following Kadaj down in his fall, what he met at the bottom was no longer Kadaj.

xxx

The fall took a few seconds. At first what was left of Avalanche didn't notice. Vincent saw him first and them the Summon following him. Barrett and Cid launched an attack, pulling the monsters attention away from Cloud. Rising, Vincent caught Cloud and Yuffie rushed over with materia, but when she arrived she didn't find a hurt Cloud."What happened?" Vincent asked.  
Cloud didn't look at them. His eyes searched the sky. "She was there."

Yuffie shot Vincent a look, but he followed Cloud's gaze. Seeing nothing he looked back down at the mercenary. "Cloud," Yuffie's voice got louder as if he had become deaf. "What went wrong?"

Blinking Cloud realized where he was and what he'd done. 'I failed again.' Cloud sat up and hung his head. Why did he always fail? He had failed to see her and then when he finally did, he failed at something else.

_You haven't failed. Get up! Try again! Never quit!_

_  
_It was her. He knew it was her. No one else could be so encouraging and so commanding at the same time. He didn't need to respond. Instead, he rose to his feet. She was with them, with him.

He looked at Vincent. "Together?" the dark man asked.

"All of us." Cloud nodded. He turned to face the Summon. They would end this.

xxx

The change happened as Kadaj fell. Cloud's sword met another, but this time the weapon wasn't held by Kadaj. All trace of the remnant disappeared, leaving behind something far worse. "Good to see you, Cloud." Sephiroth carefully spoke with fake pleasantry.

Cloud gasped and Sephiroth took advantage of Cloud's surprise to throw him. Grunting with exertion, Cloud landed high above on the roof of another ruin. Sephiroth rose and followed him. Landing above he turned and looked down on Cloud, the man who had once beaten him.

Annoyed with the surveying glance his nemesis gave him Cloud shouted up to him. "Sephiroth, what do you want?"

xxx

Okay, the extremely criptic question like three chapters ago was about how people wanted me to end this and I was politely asked to do a duel ending. Thus I will try. So now the question is which one first... hmmm... Oh well tell me what you think. (if you have the time)


	10. Finding the Lost

Sry for the wait! I'd blame my beta, but it's just as much my fault as it is hers.

Alright I hope you're all happy. And when I say happy, I hope you're damn fantastic because it is two in the morning and I am supposed to wake up (**and be presentable)** in four hours, but am I sleeping? No, I'm fixing this stupid story. Yes, I said stupid.

Sorry, I get mean when I'm tired. Just for a quick record. I wrote this last week at three in the morning after a concert, so if it sounds like a switchfoot song I am very sorry. My Beta already had a hell of a time trying to correct everything. Alright I'll shut up. Have fun!

xxx

Cloud asked the question, but he only half paid attention to the response. He thoughts were lost as he stared up at the angry sky. Here they were again, stuck in what seemed to be a never ending fight. Sephiroth got to the high point in his speech. He, of course, had the high ground again. Why did he always seem to have the upper hand?

_He'll never have the upper hand. He stands alone._

His friends. They weren't standing beside him, but he knew they were there for him, ready to help him if he needed.

Mako blue eyes narrowed. This was his fight.

xxx

If they fought together they could couldn't lose. Leaving, Yuffie spread word of their plan. Looking at Vincent, Cloud spoke. "I think I saw her." He felt he had to explain.

Vincent nodded. "How is she?"

Cloud watched Bahamut Sin. How was she? She was dead and... "Angry."

Vincent nodded again.

He didn't say anything, but Cloud knew he was agreeing with their lost friend.

Yuffie appeared suddenly at his elbow. "Ready?" Vincent asked, but he didn't wait for the response. Yuffie followed and the others joined. Cloud waited a moment. Then nodding to himself he headed toward the dragon. They all did.

xxx

"...One day we'll find a new planet and on its soil we'll create a shining future." Sephiroth continued the speech that answered a long forgotten question. Cloud no longer cared what he wanted. It didn't matter.

But somethings did. "What about this planet? "

The planet, what they always seemed to be trying to save. But did they ever?  
Even if he won, he lost. After all they beat him last time. He was dead, but he'd taken a friend with him. He returned, but their friend could not.

xxx

Because of their weapons, Barret and Vincent attacked the wings. Cid with an annoying Cair Sith in tow took the right shoulder while Nanaki took the left. Yuffie threw her Conformer aiming for the chest and Cloud again attacked the head aiming high than his last attack.

Though powerful, the dragon could not deflect so many attacks at once. Turning from one it just found another. Cloud struck last. The force behind his sword split the dragon's skull and threw it in opposite directions.

The others abandoned the summon as it fell. Cloud noted this, but it wasn't what he was looking for. They had defeated it. They won. And yet she did not return. He sat down heavily. "Lost again." A figure clad in red leaned against the wall facing away from the swordwielder.

"She's not here." Cloud responded.

Red eyes searched the skies. "I wasn't talking about her."

"..." Standing, Cloud stated, "I'm not done yet."

"We'll be nearby if you need us." Cloud nodded. This was his fight and his alone.

xxx

"Well, that's up to you, I guess." Was it up to them. Or up to us. No, it was up to him. Why was he always the one to blame? He fought for the planet, he was responsible for their friends. He was the one who had to save the world.

This wasn't the first time Cloud and Sephiroth had fought. It was becoming almost as a hobby. Even after he had died, Cloud exsistence was still definded by the great general. By wanting to be like him, fighting him, defeating him. It didn't matter. His life was a race to find and beat his nemesis.

xxx

Fenrir waited for him where he left it. Mounting the bike, he sped off. After a moment he noticed a soft pressure on his back and a cool presence encircle his waist. Carefully, he looked down. Seeing nothing, Cloud moved to touch his shirt, instead finding fingers beneath his own.

"You're cold." He needed to speak, but in a moment he realized his mistake. She tried to pull away, but his hand held her arms in place. "Don't."

She settled against him once more, placing her head on his shoulder. "You found me." She spoke.

Her voice was not the ringing of bells he expect from his dead friend. Instead, it was as real as if she was truly alive and there with him. "Why now?" he asked. "I looked for you for so long. Where were you?"

"Here," she sighed. "I've always been by your side."

Cloud lowered his head. "Then it is my fault."

"Stop, Cloud. You could not find me because your guilt would not allow it." She held him tighter. "Why?"

"I promised to save you." His voice was quiet, remorseful. For a moment he thought about that night. Those stars, that promise. A promise that no one would expect him to fulfill. It was just words between children and yet he held on to it. It had been what made them friends. Something that not even time could not take away. "It was my fault."

She took one hand from his waist and placed it on his shoulder. "Cloud," her voice was gentle, remorseful. "When we made that promise…"

"Don't. Don't say it didn't mean anything." Cloud interrupted brusquely. He wouldn't be able to bear it if she took it back. It would not only prove his failure, but it would mean that he lost her. It was one thing to let her die, but her removing the promise would show that she thought he couldn't keep it either. He would loose the faith she had in him.

She lifted her head so he could hear her over the growl of Fenrir. "It meant everything that you would choose to make that promise." She buried her forehead in his back. "But I made a choice too. I helped Aeris. Don't you lose yourself, especially when there is nothing I can do. Don't make me watch you fall."

They were nearing the source of the Summon. "Our friends need you."

"What about you?" He could feel her presence fading. "No." He grabbed the hand still around his waist. "Don't go."

"I must, he's coming. I'm a distraction." She held him a moment longer. "I'll be here, when you need me." His weight lifted from him for a moment after she disappeared. He found the source of the summon, but only saw Rufus and his Turks.

Cloud glared at them. If they hadn't been so reckless. Perhaps they were trying to help, but right now he wanted someone to blame. And they were there doing nothing.

"Guess we got our muscle anyway." Rufus said as he was helped back into his chair.

Cloud continued to glare. That didn't help. In fact, it made things worse. "Where?"

Rude inclined his head indicating the direction. Cloud left before they could make further comment.

xxx

Now you all know why you should be happy. Cloud found Tifa. Yay! Alright my brain is no longer attatched so don't read to much into anything I say. The duel ending is approaching (no matter how much people don't want this to end). I'm thinking I'll write the dramatic one first it'll be easier... or I could write the tragic one first. It'd kindof suck to end this on a depressing note.

Oh whatever. Read, reveiw, critize, though I would think if you were gonna flame you've done it by now but if this is the moment by all means. I'm too tired to care. Good night!


	11. The beginning

I am really sorry this is late. It also isn't beta checked. Oh and added bonus it really sucks so don't keep you're expectations too high. I apologize again.

xxx

The three figures headed toward Midgar. Judging by Rufus Shinra's comment, they already had what they were looking for. Cloud could see them ahead. Arming himself he deflected the bullets from the girly looking remnant. As this distracted him the muscled one touched his brakes bring him to Cloud's side.

Anticipating this Cloud sped up. He swung his blade at the bike before ahead of him. The long haired one was thrown forward. As the burly one aided his fallen 'brother,' Cloud rode away.

The last remnant, Kadaj, was not expecting him. He probably thought he would fall to the brothers as he had before. This time, however, was different. He knew he had another at his side.

They met sword to sword where the road ended. Falling into the ruined city, they faced each other. Kadaj with his smaller weapon unfortunately gained the upper hand. He twisted his wrist trying to reach Cloud's left arm, where his black scar was hidden. Cloud paused for a moment. How did everyone know about his geostigma?

Gritting his teeth he threw the remnant off of him, inadvertently offering him a chance to escape. As Kadaj sped away Cloud reached over hesitantly. He hadn't look at the scar since he'd covered it.

_You can do this._ He could almost feel her breath on his cheek. She laughed lightly as his hand moved from his sleeve to his face. Determined now, he ripped off the ruined fabric.

The scar had spread to encompass most of his bicep. He tried to move it, but pain seeped into his body with every gesture.

_You can do this._ Her voice repeated though further away this time. Suddenly she gasped as if there was something she had forgotten. _Aeris._ The word was barely a whisper.

"Damn." Where else would Kadaj be headed in Midgar. Cursing himself for not thinking of it, he revved the engine.

_Cloud, the Church._

xxx

The darkness spread as the battle raged. It was so potent Cloud could almost feel it strangle him. Suppressing the urge to panic, Cloud tried to forget the pain growing in his arm and the fact that the unrelenting Sephiroth was bearing down on him. He found this easier than he would have thought.

Sephiroth threw him into a nearby building, following only a second later. Cloud only had enough time to evade his opponent's thin blade. His arm ached a weakness Sephiroth would not hesitate to take advantage of.

However Cloud had something he didn't; Cloud knew they were nearby. He didn't need them, but they were there, even Zack.

xxx

Cloud arrived at the half destroyed temple, now a step further in it's destruction as a result of Kadaj's presence. Aeris was still in there. Shutting out his thoughts, Cloud faced Kadaj. A dark flash passed on his right and a voice, not his own, called out. "Tifa." He could both hear the voice in his head as well as with his ear. Much like when Tifa rode behind him.

Mako eyes searched for the man to which the voice belonged. What he found shocked him beyond words. There standing among the ruins of the slums was a dark haired man. A friend, Cloud never thought he'd see again. The spark of hope within him sprang to life with renew rigor until his sight took in the translucent hue of his former friend.

"Zack." Though the call was barely more than a whisper the confident spirit turned. The cocky grin that even death could not destroy appeared easily on his lips as Zack spoke. "You take care of mine. I'll make sure she's safe."

Cloud blinked uncertain of the meaning behind Zack's words. The dead SOLIDER, however did not notice as he too ran into the church. Squaring off with Kadaj Cloud followed.

xxx

His arrogance was his weakness. Sephiroth had a dozen opportunities to kill him. This Cloud was well aware of. But instead of lying on the ground cold with death, he was being toyed with. Cloud was not unskilled; he had by all rights defeated this opponent once before. Then, however, he had not been hindered by the disease still spreading from the stigma on his left arm.

Drawing the fight from the roof tops the two opponents fought inside a ruined building. Cloud gritted his teeth and exchanged blow with Sephiroth. Seeming surprised, but covering it with his usual scorn. "Oh, where did you find this strength? Oh, where did you find this strength?"

Cloud frowned and prepared for another attack. "I'm not about to tell you."

xxx

Kadaj didn't even seem to notice the Ancient curled up on the floor. Instead he turned to face Cloud. Prepared for the ex-SOLIDER, he attacked before Cloud even saw him. Turning out of the way he found himself near Aeris, but she wasn't looking. "I thought we lost you," she spoke to the air next to her.

Movement to his left forced Cloud to watch as Kadaj sent his next attack at the flower girl. Two black figures moved in the way, but when Cloud looked again they were gone. Annoyed he revved his engine and went after Kadaj. The remnant, confused by his thwarted attack, headed off. Cloud looked around, but even Aeris had gone.

He followed Kadaj. This would be the end.

xxx

"I've thought of a wonderful present for you." Sephiroth taunted earning an attack in return. One of Cloud's swords flew in the opposite direction. "Shall I give you despair?" Cloud scowled trying to ignore the haunting voice. "On your knees. I want you to beg for forgiveness."

Cloud returned for his sword, only to give Sephiroth an opportunity to drop the building on him. Preparing himself, Cloud cut through the rubble and rose to met his nemesis again. They landed on yet another building.

Facing opposite Sephiroth, Cloud this would end soon. He was fade fast. One last attack was all he left. Sephiroth smiled cruelly as the sword bit into his shoulder.

xxx

I warned you, didn't I? The next chapter will be the first beginning. I think the first is going to be the tragic one, because it seems to have less support.


	12. Nothing is Harder to Say

Thanks to everyone for being so patient with my lack of updates. As a reward here's a timely one. Enjoy!

WARNING: I told you there would be two endings. This is the first and while I am not saying it is sob-worthy... is tragic.

Warning: I mean it so you can skip this chapter and wait for the dramatic one if you wish.

Warning: I just figured I should give you three warnings.

Alright fine, don't listen to me.

xxx

The first though in Cloud's mind as the sword pierced his shoulder was a question. How had it gotten this far? He lowered his head searching for his path, his light.

"Tell me what you cherish most." The mocking voice interrupted Cloud's thoughts, reminding him that the man before him was the one who had robbed him of his light. A flame flickered to life in Cloud's eyes. "Give me the pleasure of taking it away."

Pulling the long sword from his shoulder Cloud glared at the tall silver haired man. "What makes you think I have anything left to give?" His attacks were fierce and relentless. Each strike was deadly and even Sephiroth must have been surprised by the strength that flowed from his ill opponent. One accidentally well placed blow slid the blades close together. Cloud sharp movement to dislodge them threw Sephiroth's masamune over the edge of the roof.

With quick movements Cloud brought his sword back along Sephiroth's chest sending his defenseless foe to follow his weapon into the bowels of the ruined city. Revenge did not, however, satisfy the ruin within Cloud himself.

He looked up and saw in the distance the airship. He felt the sun beat down on his head and remembered his friends waiting for him. Yet he felt cold. No matter how many times he killed him; it didn't bring her back.

xxx

"Aren't you tired... of beating yourself up all the time?"

He turned slowly, half-afraid that he was hearing things... or maybe going crazy (again). But there she stood, an irritated scowl written on her features. "I thought you'd gone," he whispered embarrassed, but keeping her in sight. He was afraid if he looked away she'd never reappear.

She looked at him curiously. "What are you afraid of?"

"A world without light." For the first time he shifted his gaze. They were in a field of flowers. The sky above was that of the dead of a star filled night. Tifa looked away. "Tifa..." Her eyes found his face. "Where are we?"

Her features softened into a smile. "Between life..." She held out a hand to him, "and death." She brought her hand back to her chest. He noticed the starlight reflect off her cheeks. She was crying.

"I'm sorry," he said brokenly as he came to her side. Hesitantly he put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and he lowered his gaze. "I shouldn't have let you die."

She turned her eyes on his. "I'm not crying about my fate. It's yours that bothers me." She sighed at his bewildered look. "Cloud, I wanted you to be happy."

"Happy," he repeated in shock. "How could I be happy with you gone?" He put a hand on each of her shoulders and turned her to face him. She held his gaze. "I won't see you again." He could barely get the words out as the realization hit him.

A small spark of hope remained within him until she nodded slowly. "This will be the last time." The spark died taking something deep inside Cloud with it. "There is something I need to tell you." She gave her final advice as a whisper in his ear.

Though he knew it would hurt once she was gone, he moved his hand to support her neck. For a moment he was afraid that she would pull away. Instead she allowed him to pull her into his embrace; perhaps she wanted as much out of their last moments as he did.

xxx

The time pasted too quickly and Cloud opened his eyes to find himself alone on a rooftop. The sun shone, once again, over head.

_Goodbye, Cloud. Thank you._

Her voice sounded again within his head, reminding him that he was now truly alone. He had spent all that time searching for her only to lose her all over again after such a short time. The pain of knowing that he was never going to find her again was nothing like the all encompassing agony of the reality. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't think, but he could feel every painful moment. Yet there was nothing his body or mind could do that would take away the memory of his last moments with her.

THE END (well one of them)

xxx

I just finished Wuthering Heights, so if this is really weird that's why. Oh and the idea for where Cloud and Tifa met came from something AizSaku said, so a thanks for that.


	13. The Hardest Thing

Ummm... I realize it's been a long wait. I'm horrible I know.

This is the first part of the second ending. There will be an epilogue. This isn't quite the end. I got writer's block, but figured I put this much up.

xxx

"Tell me what you cherish most." The eerily calm voice spoke as Cloud focused on the fiery pain radiating from the metal in his shoulder. "Give me the pleasure of taking it away."

Cloud's thoughts went into overdrive as he remembered everyone he'd ever cared for. He remembered his family and his friends. They'd all been hurt because of him. Those he loved the most were harmed the worst. He lowered his head as he realized there was nothing left to be taken.

Sephiroth removed his sword from Cloud's shoulder, but he couldn't bring himself to fight. He couldn't even lift his eyes to see his opponent. Cloud dropped his sword accepting his failure. No longer able to support himself under the weight of his quilt, he fell to his knees in front of the wall.

The man before him laughed and ever the cloudy sky seemed to mock him as the thunder rolled. Cloud found himself all alone, abandoned even by those who were always with him. He couldn't see beyond his own inner turmoil. Too obsessed with his guilt, he couldn't see Cid's airship; he couldn't hear her scream.

Even with all of his arrogance Sephiroth couldn't pass up the opportunity of his nemesis on his knees before him. The silver-haired man raised his masamune and risked a final attack. "At least she died saving someone else."

Cloud didn't even move as the sharp metal came down a slide through the flesh below his left shoulder blade, beneath the shoulder guard. The only sound that broken the silence was a quiet, almost relieved sigh.

He felt alone and cold, then pain and fire. But it passed and the light behind his eyes paled from flame to starlight. The cold and loneliness passed, leaving warmth and comfort.

Until it was all shattered with her scream. The pain returned as he turned and watched Tifa drop to her knees. As close to death as he was he could see the rest of the dead. Midgar was full of them, but his focus had tears streaming from her eyes. She was crying for him.

Remembering the speed of her passing he knew time was short. "Teef," he strained to speak the one word. But she heard it; her head shot up and her red-rimmed eyes met his. She blinked before reaching out to him.

"Why do you always do this, Cloud?" she whispered as her fingers went through the ends of his spikes. "Why do you let your guilt get in the way of living your life?"

It was Cloud's turn to blink. He could think of a million responses, none of which made sense and most of which he couldn't articulate. "I lose people," he said after four failed attempts.

"You didn't lose me." She was right. Now, he could see she'd always been there. Even as he fought Sephiroth, she was with him. He just couldn't see.

"We'll be together now?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "I'm changing it back. "The world needs you… I guess it needs both of us, but there we aren't… we're… you're still blaming yourself."

Cloud didn't understand what she was saying. He knew nothing about their life before when Aeris had been the one to perish. Noting his sad and confused look, Tifa silently berated herself. "I'll always be there for you," she reassured him, brushing the locks from his forehead.

In moments he breathing slowed and he was gone. A tear slide down Tifa's cheek and she wept silently for her lost friend. Her only hope was that it could be reversed. She'd left Zack in what was left of the church with a half-crazed Aeris. The flower girl was still mumbling to herself and Zack sat nearby watching her with a concerned gaze.

"Zack," Tifa called half afraid to break the stillness. The SOLDIER returned her gaze with hollow eyes. "Did she know this would happen?" He turned back to Aeris and nodded. "She's always sacrificing herself for others. Even me." She scoffed, "And I did this for myself, because I was sad."

Zack stood. "You need to be selfish once in a while, Tifa. No one can always be good and you try to hard." He smirked, "We don't compare you to Aeris."

"You don't."

"He doesn't either."

Tifa waved his response away. "Can you turn it back?' She saw Zack nod as she approached Aeris. Though she didn't know if her friend could truly understand her, she reached out and took her hand. "Thank you, Aeris. You do so much to help. I know now how important it was that the sacrifice be yours. I wish it hadn't had to be this way."

xxx

This time as the scene in the temple took place; Zack put a hand on Tifa's arm. "It's her time. You're still need." She didn't object though every part of her wanted to. She watched again as her friend died and she did nothing. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

xxx

Like I said not really the end, but I got stuck here. I meant for this to be the last chapter, but I guess you'll have to suffer through one more. If you have any ideas for the last one I'm all ears… or eyes. Thanks in advance.


	14. Opening Eyes

Sorry for my lateness. Here is the long awaited finale.

-o-o-o-

The strange sense of urgency drove Cloud on. He hadn't meant to visit the church tonight, but something was drawing him near. Confused, he hadn't felt the need to go to Aeris for sometime. Talking to Zack and rarely receiving advice in return had been enough.

Tonight there was no Zack, but he had gotten what he needed off his chest. There was no need to speak with Aeris again. Yet an ache brought him here. Unable to ignore it, Cloud stopped Fenrir and looked up to see the church door open.

His eyebrows came together in confusion. Curious he opened walked through leaving the door open behind him. Blue eyes scanned the room, but were drawn to the still water in the center of the church were the flowers had once grown. In the center of the pool was a black figure.

Something inside Cloud told him to move posthaste. Pausing not to consider the water, Cloud walked into the water and his eyes widened as he recognized the figure. "Tifa," her name was drawn from within him.

The water in the pool was as always warm, but Tifa's body was cold and unnaturally still.

Gently he lifted her body from the water; holding her closely, he hoped his own body would warm her. Though how this would help, he was unsure. When he rose back onto the wooden floor, he knelt Tifa still in his arms. It was then that he realized he heard no heartbeat, felt no breath.

Tifa was not alive.

On her face was a distinct look of peace. There was no blood, no wound. Cloud did not believe for a moment that Tifa drowned without a fight.

He looked around; the church was in ruins, but no more than the last time he visited. And yet her limp form in his arms proved that something had gone terribly wrong. Anger starting building up within him, but with no one at which to direct it the anger crumpled inside him into raging despair. He knew Tifa would not want him blaming himself. If she were alive right now she'd yell at him for the pity that was clear behind the tears.

Taking a deep breath he forced down the sadness and despair. Instead he brought Tifa closer to his chest hiding his face in the crook of her neck. He had to say something, needed to, but he couldn't say he was sorry. She won't blame him, unless he blamed himself. He knew her and no one knew him better than she did.

"I'll miss you." He said the words without thinking about them. They were honest. They were the truth. They were everything she needed to know. For years he regretted not saying goodbye to Aeris; he refused to lament any moment he spent with Tifa.

He felt a warm breath on the skin of his shoulder. Picking up his head he found her eyes flickering open. "You won't have to miss me yet." Cloud's eyes widened as she opened her eyes and met his. "I had the strangest dream."

Cloud's lips lifted in his almost smile before he pulled her back to him. "Dream? Tifa, you weren't breathing. You weren't…there was no…" He could not find the words, but this time it did not matter. She was here, alive. True he had many more opportunities to mess up with her. But he also had another chance to show her why she was so special to him.

He stood up with her still in his arms. "Can you walk?" She nodded and he set her feet on the ground. "You're alright?"

"I'm fine." She smiled, but it was somehow different as if she the dream took away some of the past, some of the pain. The door was still open she took a step toward it, but he stopped her. "What is it, Cloud?"

He held her one last time. "I thought you died."

"I did."

-o-o-o-

For some time they avoid speaking of that day. Cloud almost suffocated Tifa for a week afterwards until she sent him away on a long delivery. He returned in a timely manner and found his way home. One night the bar endured a very clumsy drunk and Tifa spent most of the night mopping the beer from the floor. She was still wiping down the bar in the dim light, when Cloud came through the door.

Sluggishly he pulled himself onto a stool. "Long day," she smiled.

He nodded and even through his exhaustion the hint of a smile remained. Tifa finished and stood in front of him. "What are you thinking?"

"You're not going to leave, are you?" The sadness etched itself on Cloud's features.

Tifa put her hand on one of his gloved ones. "It took me a while to find that answer. I am supposed to be here."

"I don't want to lose you." His honesty made her smile.

"You haven't."

-o-o-o-

Okay, yell at me if you want to but here is the final chapter/epilogue/whatever. Hope you enjoyed. Thank you to the review you reminded me to post this. Oh and thanks to everyone who read, reads, or will read. Leave a comment on your way out, if you like.


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